A Note from Juicero’s New CEO

This is the worst kind of Silicon Valley gaslighting bullshit in recent memory. Congratulations, there’s pulp in your bags. There’s pulp in the hopper of my 99 dollar Breville too, and you don’t generally drink it or squeeze it off.

The fact you’re doubling down on how magically special your product is instead of admitting that you misled people is not going to have the intended effect and it’s not going to help calm your investors who justifiably feel ripped off right now.

Your explanation of your DRM system is an abject joke. It’s 2017. People know what DRM is and how it’s used. It’s always used to enforce closed systems and fuck the consumer for choice. Your comments about hacking are pretty goddamned rich in this context.

You sell nutritional vaporware to overpaid nerds. That’s it.

And you don’t for much longer because you royally fucked up and you can’t even cop to it.

Maybe someone at Faygo will take you when this blows up in your face.