My human blind spot
Andrei Draganescu

Andrei, I could never match you point for point because each of your points is so complex and encompasses so many concepts. So I will just give you my own little epiphany from my own brain.

I used to obsess about everything I was potentially getting wrong or not getting right. This constant feeling of not fulfilling or being fulfilled was so constant, it became a dentist drill droning on in the background. I never knew life without the drill so I couldn’t look for it to find the off switch.

But I did feel the discomfort of it. I sought to take away the discomfort by exploring every bit of scientific, spiritual, philosophical, religious, alternative -wooish, self help, psychological information I could find.

Then I realized all of those pieces of information started with an ideal of the human brain, not with a realistic biological description of the human brain. So I started from scratch. I dropped all preconceived notions of what a human being was supposed to be or do individually and as a member of a group.

Intellectual space was cleared for me to distill what the human brain actually is and does. It turns out, the brain is making predictive decisions for what to do next. This means all of our biological response systems are connected with our decision making. I realized I am a decision in a moment and my responses relate to a prediction decision I have just made. This doesn’t sound like much, but for me it made life make sense. It made me male sense.

For some reason, thinking of myself as making constant predictive decisions for what to do next allowed me to turn the dentist drill turned off. And I realized what that drill had been turned on by. It was turned on by every piece of wrong information I had received about my human self, brain, spirit, psyche, soul, etc. The information had been misdirecting me and filled me with so much confusion about how to be a human that it made me miserable.

I have to go pick up my daughter now, so I can’t keep going on. But dropping all narratives about who I should be as a human has caused me to be serene. Bizarrely serene. Sometimes it feels I am in a dream I am so serene. I attribute this serenity to the most unlikely thing in the whole world, understanding my brain mechanics. Once I understood my brain mechanics, in ways so far unique to me, I became an atheist. I accepted my random opportunity to live a human life. My purpose became to fulfill my biological imperatives, period. I don’t feel obligated to be or do anything and am now happy with what I choose to be and do, realizing this is all I can do.

As you know, I am constantly trying to articulate the intellectual pivot I took at age 5o, particularly as it relates to educational methods, but I still have a ways to go. My ideas may not resonate with anyone else they way they have with me, so I am not sure why I am so gung ho about them, but with the new ideas, I just go with things…and now I have to go.

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