Resigned to be single :|


Resigned to be single. That’s what a good friend observed about me. He said, “Karen, you seem resigned to be single, but you are happy. You’re good with it.” This friend is single and dating…and dating a lot. So this is not the case of a married or partnered person trying to get me to join the club.

His comment was probably a compliment of sorts. I heard him acknowledge that I seem happy and that I’m good. I also heard resigned.

When is resignation ever a good thing? By definition, it means to give up or yield to something that is negative. In this case, that something is singlehood, which I don’t see as negative. If anything, I feel unconstrained, even liberated, to live my life my way.

Here’s what I know — my life is full, and full of that which I value. There’s my job that is interesting (enough) and provides me with a good standard of living; and I also have my creative work to feed my soul. When I’m not doing either, I’m involved with activities geared towards wellness like exercise, grocery shopping, cooking and spending time with those I care about. I also like to explore and experience something new. In everything I do, I’m practicing how to be present in my life. I like this life that I have created for myself.

At this point, I’m supposed to say something about what I’m missing out on as a single person. I’m not sure that this would be an honest sentiment as much as it would be giving into the socialization of women to be apologetic.

If you are a single woman (especially of a certain age), never married and without children, you’re not supposed to be proud about it. I’m supposed to express some displeasure with my current state of singlehood and show that I’m doing something about it. Well…I don’t, so it’s probably confusing to people.

Dating has a place in my life. It’s that part of my life that falls under the area of exposing myself to new things and exploring. Sometimes I’m dating and other times I’m not. It’s a part of my life but it’s not a driver.

The space of my life that I’m in at this moment feels right to me. I’ve figured out that what’s most important is that I be at peace with myself. Having a good relationship with myself is the foundation for all healthy relationships. I also believe that meaningful relationships aren’t planned, they seem to happen while living.

So, in response to my friend’s observation — I’m not resigned to be single as much as I’m determined to be content.