Kim Kardashian Bends Space and Time to Fuck Prince Zuko and Uncle Iroh
Chapter 1: The Song
Kim Kardashian sat in the corner booth of the Jasmine Dragon, eyeing the aged tea master in the back of the shop. The upper-crust citizens of Ba Sing Se populated the luxe tea shop, all happily sipping the variety of teas: a legendary selection of pu-erhs, silver needles, jasmines, all brewed to perfection. The scents of the teas filled the air and gave the shop a distinct, earthy smell — so much so that the very act of walking inside the shop felt sensual and overwhelming.
She watched Iroh’s movements carefully. He poured the tea with love. He looked upon each cup as if it might be the last one he would brew. Iroh was graceful, joyful, slow. And strong. Still, even with his age… Strong.
Soon, another man caught her gaze. Even without his scar, the young waiter would’ve been eye-catching. He moved around the shop with the grace of a warrior, and although he smiled politely at each customer, his serious, focused intensity was a bit out of place. And the scar itself was unmistakable — Prince Zuko.
Kim sat back and smiled to herself. She would have them both tonight. That’s why she was here. That’s why she had traveled the long way to Ba Sing Se.
Iroh soon turned to Zuko with a fresh cup of the ti kuan yin she had ordered — “the iron goddess.” As he handed the cup to his nephew, he turned to look out at the customer who had ordered one of his most beloved, most unpopular varieties. Kim met his gaze with her signature fuck-me eyes, an expression unimaginably famous in another place, another time. Iroh blushed.
Zuko placed her tea down at the table, and in his serious, raspy voice,
“The Ti Kuan Yin.”
Kim looked up at him.
“Lee, right? That’s your name.”
“Best tea ever. Thank youuuuuuu!”
For just a moment, she leaned forward to waft the oolong tea. She half-closed her eyes, allowing him a moment to look at her. She knew that she was beautiful — an iron goddess herself. Before making the trip to Ba Sing Se, she had studied the city’s fashion trends intensely. Her white dress was more scandalous than the typical garb of the city, and it immediately marked her as a traveler. Each customer in the tea shop stole glances and exchanged whispers with equal parts curiosity and lust.
When she opened her eyes, overwhelmed with the tea’s aroma, Zuko was frozen, staring at her, blushing. She smiled warmly. He turned away quickly.
Suddenly, one of the customers stood up and pointed at her.
“THAT’S how I know you! You’re the musician who performed in the marketplace!”
“It IS her!”
Kim sat back and smiled as the customers in the shop all gasped in recognition. She had been performing and singing for the past few days around the city and already had made a big impression on the citizens. She had plenty of experience with traveling planes of existence for pleasure, and she had established a rule of thumb: blend in for a few days before enticing her prey. She learned all the little habits of the culture, and that always made the seduction easier.
“She plays that strange music!”
“Play a song!”
“Yes, miss! Sing for us!”
Kim stood. “Everybody, everybody! You are all literally SO sweet to recognize me! And I’d love to sing for you, but I don’t want to bother the tea master! It’s his place, and it’s so peaceful here.”
The crowd of customers looked over to Iroh.
“C’mon Mushi! Let’s her sing a song!”
Iroh’s face broke into the widest smile Kim had ever seen.
“BAHAHA! If you wish to play, do not let me stop you — tea is always better with a little music!”
Kim bowed to him, and turned to the crowd.
“Okay, I’ll do one song, but only if everybody tips the waiter really well!”
The crowd of customers cheered and excitedly sipped their tea. Zuko scratched the back of his head nervously.
Kim pulled a small, stringed instrument out of her Celine bag and began strumming it.
“Now, everyone. I’m a traveling musician. I’ve been everywhere, and I sing a very special kind of music. Believe it or not, my music is from the past! So don’t worry if some of the words sound strange —they’re super old.”
“A long, long time ago… I can still remember
how that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
that I could make those people dance,
and maybe they’d be happy for a while…”
The mortal Kim Kardashian had been no singer. Even though she had attempted it once, her voice used to bring her great shame. But the customers at the tea shop did not hear her usual, lilting, light voice. They heard the voice of Lorde, singing and playing perfectly to Don Mclean’s American Pie.
“Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry…”
Now that Kim had transcended reality, it was an easy trick to weave some of her favorite vocals with a classic American ballad. As she sang, she reflected on the moment it happened. She was in her bathroom. It was 2018. She was applying her PINK Crème LIPSTICK 6 (color: warm plum). She looked into the mirror, and it hit her — she had achieved true beauty. Perfection. The universe stared back into her, and she realized the fundamental truth of the body. Pleasure and beauty and love. That’s all there was.
She stared at Zuko and Iroh and sang mischievously:
“Now, for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rolling stone
But, that’s not how it used to be”
Since that moment of transcendence, Kim could bend time, space, reality. She could be anywhere. She would live forever. She was greater than death. She had become Aphrodite, and it was her journey to travel all realities, purely to experience beauty and pleasure.
“And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.”
As she came upon the final verse of the song, she realized tears were pouring softly down her face. She played the final chords, and the tea shop erupted in raucous applause. They all knew — this would be the most beautiful, ethereal, strange melody they would ever hear. Zuko’s mouth hung open in shock, and Iroh banged on the tea bar, yodeling in applause as loud as he could!
Kim smiled, bowed, dropped a fat bag of gold pieces on the table, and left the Jasmine Dragon.
Chapter 2: Zuko
Zuko had been walking for hours. Trying to clear his head. He was frustrated. Angry. Furious.
Who was that woman? The musician in the tea shop today… He swore he recognized her from somewhere. She looked at him like she knew him, and that familiarity was a threat. He had something to hide. She was infuriating.
Not that it really mattered, anyway. If she knew that he was Prince Zuko — the banished Fire Nation Prince — she’d expose him, collect her reward, and he and Uncle would be back on the run. Back on the road, on their own. Back on the hunt for the Avatar.
He weaved through the dingy, crowded alleys of Ba Sing Se, as the spring day gently gave way to sunset, and then darkness. It was his ninteenth birthday.
He had been trying recently. Trying to be a good nephew, yes. But more honestly — trying to be satisfied. Satisfied with the life of a humble tea server in the Earth Kingdom Capital. Trying to ignore his rage, ignore the avatar, ignore it all. His country and his family had brought him nothing but pain and loss. But in the little quiet moments of the day — his spartan breakfasts, his moments of meditation while Iroh napped — he could feel the anger there, hidden but present, growing inside him. This was not his destiny.
Prince Zuko had never known satisfaction.
Zuko came upon a quiet stretch of deserted alleyways, abandoned and decrepit. He moved forward, wearily looking forward to a few moments alone, free of the city’s constant clatter. And for a moment, the quiet of the scorched rubble was soothing. But then — footsteps. Behind him.
Kim Kardashian licked her lips. She thought it would be harder to trail Zuko without being noticed, but the young man was clearly occupied by his own thoughts and frustrations. She was a bit frustrated, as well. His rage made him a difficult target. He was either aggressive, furious, burning… or awkward and fumbling. Did she want to conquer and dominate him, reveling in his anger? Or did she want to unlock the soft, kind side of his soul, and lay with him in compassion? She weighed her options carefully. He was skittish, paranoid, defensive — she just hoped he would be worth the trouble. She gestured to her servant, and said:
“Bring him to me.”
Her servant nodded and disappeared into the crowd behind Zuko. Kim turned back, headed back to her chambers in the palace.
Zuko turned quickly to find the source of the footsteps. The sun had just set, and he strained his eyes against the evening light. Was he being followed? Perhaps it was just his paranoia. He forced himself to calm his breathing and focus.
The footsteps grew louder, and a figure appeared at the end of the alley. Zuko’s eyes widened in panic. The distinctive green hue of the clothing, the shape of the uniform — he was being followed by an agent of the Dai Li, the Earth King’s secret police.
There was no time to hesitate. Zuko turned to sprint away and find a hiding place — he had too many secrets to wait around to be questioned. But before he could even take a single step, the ground at his feet rumbled. With impossible speed, two mounds of rock rose to encompass his feet. He couldn’t move. He was trapped. Zuko’s heart raced with panic and anger. Was it time? Should he blow his cover?
Before he could react, another rumble of rocks caught his hands. Slowly, the ground below him rose, encompassing him in a dark, earthy prison. He felt a blow to the back of his head, and the world went dark.
Zuko blinked open his eyes slowly. He felt comfortable — he was laying down, on a soft, supple bed. Beside him, he saw the warm light of a candle, burned down about halfway. As he slowly regained consciousness, he tried to rub the tiredness out of his eyes, but suddenly — he felt a strange resistance to any movement from his hand. Immediately, his eyes burst open, as the memories of the Dai Li’s imprisonment rushed back to him. His hands and feet were tied to four posts of the bed!
Panicking, he looked around the room. It was all quite unfamiliar to him, but the telltale insignia and green coloring made him assume he was in the Earth King’s castle. The chamber itself was gorgeous and ornate, lit only by the single candle on the nightstand next to him. He was tied to a bed in the center of the room. The only other piece of furniture was a single chair, where a figure sat in the darkness.
Kim Kardashian watched the prince awaken, and struggle against his restraints. It was a lovely sight to behold.
She lit her cigarette and took a long, slow inhale. The embers lit her face, and Zuko gasped in recognition.
“The musician from the tea shop?”
She smiled and exhaled a breath of tobacco smoke.
“What do you want with me?! How did I get here? I demand that you release me at once.”
She said nothing but stood from her chair. Slowly, she took a few steps toward the edge of the bed. Zuko stared, furious and bewildered.
Kim Kardashian loosened her robe, and let it fall from her shoulders. She stood there, in the candlelight, naked. Kim felt like a goddess (as she often did). She knew she was lovely, and her confidence was radiant. She stared at him, looking directly into his eyes, and watched as he silently took in her body.
“I… Uh…” She had rendered him speechless.
She climbed onto the bed and straddled him. Slowly, she reached for the collar of his shirt and unbuttoned it, clasp by clasp. She drank in the musculature of his arms and chest, running her hands over him, from his biceps to his stomach.
For a moment, she laid her ear on his chest and listened to his racing heart. Zuko felt the soft caress of her long black hair on his stomach. He felt himself tensing, responding. He knew this must be a trap, a trick, something… But it was powerful. She was powerful.
Looking up, Kim smiled at Zuko, and inching towards him, laid a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. She took his face in her hands, and slowly ran her thumb along the outline of his scar.
“Please… Just tell me what you want from me. Are you from the Fire Nation? What is this? I don’t understand.”
“Listen, I’m sorry about the rough invitation. It’s very simple, really.” Kim ran her hand down to his stomach. “I want you. Just for the night.”
She looked up at the banished prince. “But I won’t force you to do anything. Already, I’ve been far too pushy. If you don’t want me, I’ll let you go…”
He hesitated for a moment. He didn’t believe a word of this.
She whispered, “Zuko?”
His whole body tensed at the sound of his name. She knew his real identity. She could blow his cover. She was a threat.
Zuko let out a long, mean laugh. “Please. I’m afraid you’ll have to do much better than this.” He glanced over to the candle on the nightstand and, taking one long, deep breath, the tiny flame burst forth into a powerful blaze. He inhaled, and the flames obeyed his commands, coming to him and wrapping around his restraints. In a moment, the ropes burned to ashes, and he was free. He exhaled, and the two of them were surrounded in a powerful, intense blaze of flames, circling around the bed, threatening and beautiful and intensely warm.
Kim’s eyes widened in surprise. She knew he was powerful, but this level of mastery, of control… She was awed by the sight of it.
In one quick motion, Zuko lowered his hand to the small of her back, and flipped her over, pinning her hands above her head with just one arm. Kim could smell him, as he lingered over her, his face just a few inches away from hers.
“Tell me what you want. Who sent you?”
Kim stared up at the anger and fury in his eyes. Despite all of her experience, power, and knowledge, his pure ferocity was so intense. She was a Traveler, and with that came an absolute sort of power — she could blink her eyes and disappear in a moment, she could pull the threads of time and space — but for a brief moment, she felt that she was at his mercy.
A single tear dropped from her eyes.
Zuko recoiled at the sight of her emotion. He was overwhelmed, knowing now that he had been wrong — she had been sincere. Her lips parted, and she looked up at him with pure desire and submission. It was the most arousing site he had ever seen. He felt himself losing control, as his rage was slowly turning into desire. She was beautiful, and he could feel his body responding to her warmth under him.
Zuko smirked. “So… You said you wanted me. That’s why you had me brought here.”
“I want you, Zuko.”
He quickly pulled off his pants, and Kim could feel him erect, pressed up against her. She smiled, full of a youthful joy — she had come across the universe for this moment. She smiled, ran her fingers, through his hair, and pulled him closer.
Slowly, he pushed himself inside. Zuko released an involuntary groan. He had never touched a woman like this. The pressure, the friction, the warmth — it was all so powerful.
“Is that… okay?” He asked.
“You feel wonderful,” she smiled breathlessly.
Zuko wanted more. He wanted to be selfish.
“I’m going to go harder. Stop me if it’s too much.”
And with that — he let go of himself completely. Exploring every inch, he felt an intense pleasure building inside him, thrusting harder and harder. He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensations of his body, and when he opened them, was overwhelmed with the sight of her below him. There was no respite, no calming down. His ferocity translated into a pure, selfish delight. His shoulders tensed, and he released himself inside her. It was the most powerful, blissful feeling he had ever experienced.
Kim basked in his power, simply enjoying this little show. She was glad that she had captured him, goaded him into this kind of display.
Zuko exhaled deeply, all of his muscles relaxing into her embrace. Kim gave him another chaste little kiss, wiping the sweat off of his brow. Slowly, her lips embraced his more aggressively, her tongue dancing in and out of his mouth.
She tipped his chin up with her finger, bringing his soft eyes to hers.
“My turn, Zuko.”
He nodded gently. Somehow, his anger was gone, and he looked at her with admiration and devotion.
“Please… Show me what to do.”
Kim rolled over, pushing Zuko up against the headboard gently. She sat in front of him, pressing her back against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her in tight, smelling her hair and laying some soft kisses along her neck. Surprised at his tenderness, Kim laid back for a moment, relaxing onto him completely. What a luxurious trip. She was ready for her prize.
Kim took Zuko’s hands, gently placing his left one on her chest and his right one down on her pussy. She led his movements, showing him the small circles and pinches that she liked. Quickly, he caught on to the rhythm of touch, and she could feel his rapt attention on her every reaction. She let herself relax completely.
The minutes passed in a slow build of pleasure. Kim knew that she could orgasm more quickly from other kinds of stimulation, but the gentle, consistent circles of his touch would build into a longer, steadier, deeper climax. And she could feel that climax approach, like watching the sun slowly set over a range of mountains.
And finally — she could take no more. Her back and stomach spasmed over and over, clenching as her whole body was overtaken by the orgasm. After these massive bursts, the climax slowly lessened and lessened, and she laid back into his arms, exhausted and overcome.
“Ha… haha!” Kim joyfully laughed. It was so good. She was just… happy. This was the reason she had sought him out. Normally, teaching young men to fuck was like trying to get a dog to jump through a hoop, but this was better than she ever expected.
She could feel Zuko’s warm smile as he hugged her in tighter. They were both caught up in a fit of giggles, awed by just how powerful it had been. Relaxing into each other, the two fell asleep, cozy and happy and intimate.
Kim got up silently, took a quick selfie with a sleeping Zuko, and slipped out the door.
Zuko took a deep breath, gently waking up from his nap. He reached for her, the musician, and found — nothing. He sat up quickly. She was gone, and he was fully dressed. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt a deep pit of anger in his stomach. How could she just… leave him? After all that…?
He took a deep breath. This was probably for the best. He had a mission, a purpose — to find the Avatar. And that Zuko, the one that she had drawn forth when they were together… he didn’t recognize that version of himself. That sweet, generous, attentive, passionate man. That version of himself was unrecognizable, and the dissonance was uncomfortable. Quickly, he left the palace, feelings mixed into a state of utter confusion.
He didn’t even know her name.
Chapter 3: Iroh
After sundown, Kim pushed open the door of the Jasmine Dragon. It was unlocked, and Iroh stood quietly sorted teas at the back counter.
“Ah, welcome back!”
Kim bowed. “Hello, tea master. I know it’s selfish, but do you have just one more pot of tea in you? I’d love to share one, just between the two of us.”
He smiled. “How could I refuse such a blooming flower?”
The two sat, chatting, laughing, sipping tea.
“Far be it from me to question the pleasure of your company, but I must ask — are you a denizen of the spirit world? Maybe it’s just the foolishness of an old man, but your beauty is… beyond words. It is pure, in a way that people are not.”
She responded, “You have no word for what I am. But suffice to say — I am a traveler.”
“Was it random chance that you came here tonight, lovely Kim? Or are you here for a reason?”
“There are two things that brought me here tonight, Iroh.”
For a moment, his eyes widened at the sound of his true name. In this city, he was Mushi — the revelation of his actual identity would condemn both him and Zuko. But her warmth and kindness radiated. Kim touched his hand.
“I swear to you — I am a friend. Your secret is safe with me.”
“I am grateful. So, traveler — your reasons for coming?”
“I am here to taste the most lovely tea in the world.”
“And? Your second reason?”
Kim leaned forward over the tea bar, and kissed him. Iroh’s response was immediate and fiery. He grabbed her and pulled her closer, nibbling at her lip and dancing his tongue around her.
Kim lost herself in the pleasure of the kiss. Already, the trip had been worth it, if just for this moment.
After minutes of passion, Iroh pulled back for a moment and held her face in his hand. He stared into her eyes and ran his thumb across her cheek gingerly. She adored fucking older men — they weren’t in such a rush.
“Lock the door, okay?”
Iroh smiled and walked over to the door of the Jasmine Dragon. He closed and locked it, and when he turned back around, Kim’s white frock lay discarded on the floor. She sat, smiling innocently, entirely naked, on the tea bar.
Iroh walked to her and fell to his knees. His face, normally visited by a loving and cheerful smile, was replaced with a mischevious determination. He lovingly reached for her foot and stroked the sole. Kim moaned with pleasure.
Slowly, Iroh kissed the top of her foot. He climbed up her body inch by inch, starting with the deep power of his hands, and following with the gentle tickle of his light kisses.
His mustache reached her clitoris.
Who knows how long the two of them remained locked in that position — Kim naked on the tea bar, her hands holding his head in place, Iroh on his knees? They both lost all concept of time passing. The pleasure was absolute, and the swirls and flicks of his tongue and lips felt like seasons passing, one into another into another.
But through this sensual dance, Kim could feel her shoulders tensing. She could feel the pleasure building in her body. And like a thrill-seeking skydiver waiting to pull the cord and release her parachute, she waited until the last possible moment, and then gave in. Her orgasm shook the threads of the galaxy.
Normally, Kim would simply disappear at this point in the love-making, leaving her prey to wonder if it had all been a lovely hallucination. But she loved Iroh, in that tangled way that a Traveler can love. She looked at him with happy tears in her eyes and collapsed into his arms on the floor.
After some joyful giggling and cuddling, she fetched him a damp rag to wipe off his beard. And, having recovered her stamina, she slowly pushed his robe off his shoulders. As she pulled down his pants, his hard cock pulled against the fabric.
“Please, Traveler, Kim… I want to feel you from the inside. I can not deny that I desire it.”
She smiled, and sat on his dick, and gasped. It was a wonderful rush. She was delightfully wet from her orgasm. For a moment, she sang joyfully, in her real, embarrassing voice,
“So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
’Cause fire is the devil’s only friend”
They both exploded into laughter for a moment. Iroh could feel the subtle palpitations of her laughter in the muscles of her pussy.
When the laughter calmed, they rocked back and forth. His belly supported her perfectly, and she found herself running her hands along every inch of his torso. As his pleasure built, Iroh thrusted more and more forcefully. His heavy breath grew hotter and hotter, and soon plumes of fire appeared from his nose and open mouth with each exhale. In his final thrusts, he met her gaze, one hand on her breast, one hand on her massive ass. He knew that the pleasure had been a gift from a force he would never understand, and he was grateful.
Exhausted and happy, they both lay cuddled on the floor of the tea shop. He ran his hand through her long, black hair.
“My iron goddess… Thank you for coming tonight.”
For a moment, Kim saw Iroh’s gaze dart away. She knew what was on his mind. Kim winced, knowing that they were moments away from a painful disappointment.
“I wonder… if you could do something for me. You are powerful, you are a goddess, can you —
“I’m so sorry, Iroh. I can’t bring him back. I can’t bring back your son.”
She held him tighter and felt his silent tears fall onto her forehead. Kim closed her eyes and tried again, tugging hards at the threads of this universe to bring back the young soldier killed in battle. But they would not budge. Some loss was so fundamental, so foretold, so painful — that it could not be altered, even by a Traveler.
She lingered there, holding him. His tears flowed, and when his breathing had calmed, she whispered,
“I can not save your son… but you will save Zuko. And your legacy will heal the wounds of this world.”
Iroh, comforted, fell asleep on the floor of the tea shop. Kim teleported him back to his bed. It was time that she left this place, but before she slipped out, Kim Kardashian left a small token on his bedside table.
I have researched for years what this token was, pouring over the moments of the encounter, the hints, the patterns. I know that it was bigger than a pinecone and smaller than a loaf of bread, but the master Travelers developed the ability to occlude certain moments from the prying eyes of the universe. Whatever it was, she left it there on the table and disappeared without a sound.