#awanderingunicorn
I spent most of June wandering west.
It’s been a week since I’ve been back. Much like the trip, it feels like I was just rolling back into Hutch yesterday, yet it also feels like I’ve been back forever. It’s a weird feeling. It kind of makes me feel like I left part of me still out on the road, wandering from place to place.
For a long time I had thought about a road trip somewhere. I remember talking to a friend a couple years ago about it. I don’t recall where I was thinking about going, but they highly encouraged some sort of solo travel. I live in a provisional Lala Land where half the shit that comes out of my mouth never actually happens. Life went on and whatever thoughts I had then fell away.
Fast forward and one of my really good friends and co-workers, Shayla, goes off on a really big adventure.
Her and her husband sold their house and got rid of half their belongings. They bought a tent for the top of their truck and off they went, exploring the National Parks of the west for two months with the goal in mind of relocating to Coeur d’Alene, ID. I won’t lie. I was a bit jealous. They were off to all of the places I’ve been wanting to go — specially the National Parks in southern Utah. (Hello, Zion, Moab, Arches!) They had the guts to do it.
Once they landed in CDA and I saw all the amazing pictures, I knew that eventually I had to go visit. We started chatting last fall (I think…it’s kind of been a blur since we started planning…) and planning a visit.
Last year, I did a lot of traveling, but I did it with various groups of people. Maybe that’s what primed me for something like this? I’m not sure. But one of my trips, was a few days out in the Badlands of South Dakota. It became one of my favorites places and I was itching to go back. After Google mapping one place after another, my visit all of a sudden turned into a road trip out to Idaho. Even with all of the researching of destinations, camping spots, AirBnb’s, parks, etc. it never really dawned on me what I was planning.
The past couple of years have been growing years for me. (Then again…what years aren’t?) They haven’t been the easiest. A smooshed heart took a lot out of me and bouncing back has been incredibly difficult. In the couple days leading up to leaving, I was a mess thinking about sitting in a car by myself for hours and hours, sleeping in a tent by myself, seeing all these amazing places with nobody to share it with. Was it going to amplify all the emotions I’ve been battling for months prior to even thinking about this trip? I was so anxious to feel so alone somewhere in the middle of the 1,800 miles to CDA, far from home and far from my destination.
I don’t remember when I started getting nervous, but I did. Maybe it was talking about it with a few people, the questions from them on my plans, it being noted that I was going by myself. At one point, I was messaging a friend who was asking what I was up to. I mentioned not always doing well in the car, and she offered to drive part of it with me either on the way there or the way back.
This year my three words are: Because. I. Can.
The mountains were calling me. They have been for years and years. It’s hard to explain. So many people talk about wanting to go to the beach and sit and watch the waves. That has never appealed to me. The mountains though…The thought of them put a smile on my face.
Even with all the things causing me panic, I just knew, deep in my soul, that I had to go and I had to go on my own. I am single and no children or pets. What was stopping me?
So off I went!
Nothing but me and my car full of stuff were the open road west and back for three weeks. I’m pretty sure pure anxiety and adrenaline got me through my first two days. I almost started crying after a 10 hour travel day when I finally saw the Badlands formations.
Iowa to see friends → Badlands → Devil’s Tower → Bozeman → CDA (about 10 days with Shayla and Tad) → Bozeman + Yellowstone → Theodore Roosevelt National Park → Fargo to see my dad → Home
If you want to hear anything specific about my travels, hit me up! I’d love to sit down and chat over some coffee. This blog post would get too long otherwise :) I will say though, that my favorite thing outside of all the adventuring in CDA was my impromptu trip to Yellowstone National Park on the way home. The drive from Bozeman to the park through the Gallatin National Forest/Mountains/Canyon was absolutely 100% AMAZING. Unfortunately it’s the one spot I don’t have any pictures of either.
One of the things I regretted in many of my travels last year was not talking to people. This time, I made it a point to stretch my introvert muscles and meet and talk to people along the way. I met a family going on a 59 days tour of different places for the summer, a retired couple with no plan, a guy who supposedly threw away his cellphone to travel to his 50th and final state (North Dakota), a cupcake baker who understood Minnesota’s two seasons (winter and construction), a lady who was running the Yellowstone and Grand Teton half marathons, a guy from Atlanta who was working Yellowstone for a couple of months, a lady who was planning a move to CDA with her husband who baled on her last minute so she divorced him and moved anyways, a group of hikers from Colorado who couldn’t believe how cold it actually gets in North Dakota and Minnesota, a father and son from Britain.
I was called brave, badass, crazy by several of them when they found out I was traveling solo.
I heard plenty, “Good for you!” and a couple, “Wow, that’s kind of dangerous!” too. I also had a couple people tell me that they’d never do something like that on their own.
While I have awesome friends and I’ve done all of my major traveling with people, I have also never really had a traveling/adventure companion in the way that I would like. That’s just not how my life has come together yet, so I am also very used to doing things on my own. Although this was very much new territory and a big deal for me, it also didn’t feel that way at times, especially when I was talking to people. It started to feel natural and like just something I was doing at the time. That feeling surprised me.
All Good Things Come to an End
By the time I sat down to dinner watching the sunset in Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota, I was smacked with the reality my trip was pretty much over.
I felt incredibly sad. I surprised myself when I realized that I wanted to keep going. I wanted to stay on the road and see the next awesome place ahead.
All the things I was damn anxious for…like so many things that cause me sheer anxiety, never actually happened. I sat in a car by myself for hours and hours and didn’t go batshit crazy. I camped under the stars by myself and felt at home.
As I started to get closer to home a whole new set of anxiety kicked in. If I didn’t feel lonely on the road and camping by myself, what was going to happen when I got back home? In my tiny apartment all by myself with nobody to greet me after my grand adventure? I didn’t want to do it. It scared the pants off of me just as much as leaving did. I’m still trying to figure that part out now that I’m home and working back into my daily routine.
The minute I left CDA and started heading back east, I felt something. I went into the mountains one person, and I felt like I came back out somehow changed. I haven’t been able to put my finger on what it is yet, but one day I’ll figure it out. I will say, I’m fucking proud of myself. Even though I miss having Shayla in Hutch, I’m glad she went on her own amazing adventure to help me step out of my comfort zone to make something I’ve been dreaming of for a long time, finally reality. It was truly one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
Lessons I Learned
- Solo travel is good for the soul. I would, and more than likely will, go again in a heartbeat.
- People you meet while traveling are only in your life for that fleeting moment while you swap stories. Yet, they become a part of your journey forever. That’s kind of amazing.
- Be flexible because the best adventures happen when they aren’t planned at all. Thank you rain in Wyoming and the Black Hills for providing me the best opportunity to visit Yellowstone.
- Keep your mind open. When I first got to CDA, I was surprised and maybe even a little sad to see so many mountains covered with trees instead of the snowcapped ones many of us think of. In the end, they stole a little piece of my heart.
- Make sure you drive the opposite way through the mountains from which you came. The view is COMPLETELY different. Because of this, I learned that it’s actually okay to look in the rearview mirror. There’s beauty in looking backwards, too.
- I sleep the best under the stars.
- Slow the eff down and look around. I felt like I was in Go! Go! Go! mode for much of the time I was on the road in order to make it to the parks to get a campsite. It took a lot of effort for me to slow down and soak in the moment of what it was I was actually doing.
- It’s only a mountain. One foot in front of the other and eventually you’ll make it to the top. The views will always be worth it.
- We all own too much shit.
- You can get caramel bars to survived 4 days of travel in a car…kind of.
- Our public lands are beautiful. They really need to stay that way.
- You. Can. No, really, it’s true. That’s the biggest lesson right there. All the can’t’s and reasons not to are exactly why you should. Go do it.
For more pictures:
- If you’re friends with me of Facebook, search there.
- If you’re not, check out my Instagram. I’ve been slowly adding stuff there, too.
