Start Tomorrow. Day 1 Tomorrow.

Going along great! Eating all the things I should be and steadfast and self righteous in the face of things I will not eat. No No thank you I’m not tempted by your biscuit….I’m on the @whole30

No milk in my coffee thanks, that’s dairy. No dairy on the whole30 darling. Then suddenly for no good reason my resolve will start to slip and get out of my way, I want toast with butter dipped in chocolate sauce for entrée, followed by a huge bowl of noodles and creamy pasta and then for desert a family block of chocolate and ice-cream with Ice magic coated on so thick I need a knife to cut it instead of a spoon. Phew….

Sound familiar to anyone? Whether it is a regular diet, eating plan, weight watchers or the all mighty whole30, why is it not possible to eat as I have been instructed? I am an intelligent, sensible person (most days) but something shifts and I am a freight train that runs on food screaming down the tracks and god all mighty do not…I repeat do not try to reason with me, or throw yourself in my path because things will get very ugly very quickly. Think Hulk ….green angry hulk…

When eventually my head clears and I acknowledge I have broken my whole30 again, my resolve returns and I normally decide to start again tomorrow. This occurred so frequently recently my 4 year old would recognise something not whole30 (I had a sip of her coke) Hey Mum…that’s not on the whole30 (at the top of her voice in the restaurant we were at) followed by…oh well start tomorrow…Day 1 tomorrow mum (because that had been my catch cry for the last week)

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the whole30! I am however yet to properly finish one but I have done enough to experience the benefits and feel the difference in my body, mind and especially my energy levels. Do you want to know the worst part…it’s just 30 days. It’s not like I am on a diet for a year or forever like some poor boring fucker’s, it’s just 1 month and after about 2 weeks there are clear and tangible things that start to happen so you can feel it’s doing you good.

I believe everyone, absolutely everyone should do a whole30…that’s how good it is.

I started this blog thinking it will help me to stay disciplined if everybody knows my secret.

But as I sit here munching on my aerobar I have realised that backing myself into a stressful corner of guilt and self-ridicule and using the imaginary audience in my mind to enforce the humiliation is not what I or anyone for that matter needs at all.

Instead I am going to acknowledge that I have attempted two whole30’s. Both of them taught me a little bit more about my body and how best to look after it. Surely that in itself should be a successful mission. After about a fortnight I start to have these beautiful, deep, drool all over my pillow type sleeps…..mmm I love a good sleep! My head starts to clear and on occasion I have felt the urge to attempt some shuffling! (you know as in Red foo and everybody’s shuffling) To be fair it wasn’t pretty, but to have the energy to do it is a rare and delightful thing.

Clearly I still have plenty more to learn to slow that train down and maintain a steady pace but something that I have learnt this year is to be a bit gentler and kinder to myself. It was a huge revelation to me that I was at times a total bitch to myself. I was kinder to people I didn’t even like then I was to myself. So on Monday I am going to start Whole30 again, my train will slow down and I will love the shit out of salad until I don’t and that’s ok. Not only am I learning my way through life but I am extremely aware that I am doing it under the close scrutiny of two little legends and my hope is that they see their Mama trying to be a better person and sometimes falling but always, always getting back up however slowly.

Sometimes I forget that everyone is on a journey as well, it often feels to me like everyone else has this life shit sorted and I am just a bit of a straggler.

A friend of mine who we shall call Betty always pulls me up on this with her brutal honesty and lovability. She like me has spent a good chunk of her life losing weight, putting it back on, losing it again. Last time I seen her she had lost a heap of weight on this totally craptacular diet of bloody army rations or some shit. She stuck to it like superglue and lost something like 20kgs I think. Anyhoo Betty tells me she has put it all back on and needs to lose it again for a wedding in Spain…I mean is that just every fat chick’s worst nightmare? So she wants to lose weight again in time for this wedding. My initial reaction is to tell her just get a bikini and a spray tan and work it! Betty then advises me that she is feeling really heavy and struggling to wipe her own arse. At which I laughed and laughed… I laughed at her honest, I laughed with empathy and familiarity and the understanding that we are all struggling to wipe our own arses in one way or another.

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