Living with big ambitions

I guess I always knew I had big ambitions and dreams. Bigger than I could ever understand. I was never quite sure what I wanted in life, but I knew it had to be big. My parents raised me to believe I could be anything in the world and I lived with that belief forever. But now that I’m 22 years old, I’m a bit tired of my over the top way of thinking of life. Nothing will ever be good enough for myself. Where is the limit for how much I put on me and demand myself. When my rolemodels are people like Taylor Swift and Prince then you can be damn sure I’ll never be completely satisfied with making a webseries and find the perfect boyfriend. I always feel like I should be doing more, doing it better, much faster… Will this way of thinking ever stop? Will I truly be happy when I receive my first Oscar? The worst part is I haven’t even decided what I will win it for? One week I want to be a director, then editor, now writer and next week maybe singer? I believe you ought to have one dream and stick to it! Write it on your wall and look at it everyday. My brother wants to be a furniture designer and he shoots, aims and he scores! It is going incredibly well. But I look at my career as I regard the men in my life. Quite interesting one day and forgotten the next. What may seem like a tremendous idea and perfect way of life on monday morning, will be washed away with a glass of wine of thursday when you catch a glimpse of that new target… Emmys, actor. Or what about being a dolphin trainer (Yeah there really are no limits in my mind). So here I am, asking you for help. I am not a lazy person and I have accomplished quite a lot seeing that I am “only” 22 years old. I think my main problem is the fact that I’m having a hard time admitting to myself what the actual goal is. The ultimate craziest dream, that will make you laugh out loud. The real reason I want to make movies or write a book or get an article published on Hello Giggles is.. I want to be famous. Yes I wrote it and I too am in shock… That I didn’t notice it before? I mean all I’ve ever done is dream about Hollywood, the people, the events. I don’t care about the money, or clothes or magazine covers. I just really want to be a part of the A-team, to be friends with all the actors and musicians, to fake laugh and give out hugs when I receive my award for god knows what. And I know I’m not the only one, this is not a crazy things. Loads of people are closet celebs or some other fancy name for it. I am well aware of the fact that they’re not braiding each others hair and singing around the campfire, like they would have you believe, but I like to stay naive on some levels. 
So should I continue my quest for “fame”. Finish one of the million book ideas I have in my head, direct the next Frozen, edit the newest Taylor Swift music video, write colums like Carrie Bradshaw (not a real person I know, I know) or simply be me. The living in a dream-film-fairytale-fantasy wonderland Karoline who doesn’t have a clue where her life is going but who knows it’s not getting there fast enough. Who can’t fall asleep because she knows she ought to be doing something more important. Who is certain that something big is waiting, right in front of her, if she could just open her eyes. Maybe she should just shake it off and snap out of it already and stop acting like a spoiled girl who has all the possibilities in the world but is having a hard time trying to decide which talent to develop. And stop refering to herself in the third person. I guess I should just start by finishing the webseries I am working on, about a girl who believes her life is a movie… Does that sound familiar?