Remembering Anthony Bourdain: A LIFE UNKNOWN
The shock of Anthony Bourdain’s death has just started to sink in…almost a day and a half after his demise. What makes the whole premise more unbelievable is the knowledge of the fact that he committed suicide. I take some relief in knowing though that his contributions and commitment to his work have not gone unnoticed by the world at large and that he was always appreciated for what he did not only after his sudden death but even before it.
This article is not just a way to remember him or applaud his contributions but also a way to, firstly, make myself realize that we have indeed lost such a humane, kind soul and secondly, cope with that loss.
It was the morning of 7th of June, 2018. Right after my morning walk, some coffee and a few pages of “Malcolm X”, I turned on my laptop to watch the first episode of Season 8 of Parts Unknown, wherein Bourdain walks the streets of Hanoi, Vietnam and alongside beautiful cinematography talks about the daily lives of the people in Vietnam and its mouthwatering food in his signature rustic, yet in it’s own way, elegant style. I remembering doing this while eating a very humble sandwich, cherishing every bite and crumb as Bourdain did with his food. that voice, that experience. (as I later recall telling my sister in clear words “I feel a sense of completion after watching him present his shows”). Clearly, she thought I was out of my mind to have said something like that. We both went on with our routine.
Next day, the morning of 8th June, 2018. Something very similar followed. Over a bowl of porridge, I watched another episode of Parts Unknown, this time my travel buddy was in Japan with an extraordinary and celebrated chef, Masa Takayama. Right from the beginning, Bourdain had my attention with his witty, deep and insightful remarks, not to mention that voice, any man or woman could drool over. I could imagine myself walking the streets of Japan, immersing myself in that experience and getting knowledge of their vibrant, peaceful land.
I marveled within myself as to how can someone produce content so rich, so engaging yet so authentic and transparent. I went on with my routine.
After spending a few hours in the library studying, I came back home and on the way was thinking about Takayama, his excellence with his craft and his humility and sound realization of his roots with which he hadn’t lost touch even after becoming one of the most successful chefs in all of America. I thought of Bourdain and his authenticity, sense of style and more importantly his clarity of thought which was probably the sharpest weapon in his proverbial armory.
Sitting with my parents in the evening, I opened up the Guardian app on my phone and after reading the main headline about Trump wanting to include Russia in the G5 negotiations, my eyes fell on the next one, which featured Bourdain sitting in a wing chair, striking a signature pose with his shades on, almost looking like a rockstar. I got excited, thinking of what the news channel might have covered about my travel buddy until i read what was written under that appealing photograph of his. “Celebrated chef, Anthony Bourdain dies at the age of 61 in Strasbourg, France”.
To my utter disbelief, I smiled. Almost laughed. In my head, ten different thoughts popping up. “They misreported it”, “Just another example of fake news”, “They got the wrong Anthony” along with “What the F…”, “Please tell me its a joke”, “He couldn’t have done it”. I was afraid to open that article, but the itch inside of me couldn’t wait longer to know what was going on. I open it and read the article and all my fears become reality. I went thoughtless.
A day and a half later (almost).
The single, most prominent, underlying thought in my head till now: that when I was watching his shows on those mornings alongside my breakfast, he was suffering, battling his inner demons and thoughts, that finally took over and convinced him to end his life.
By this time, I have read tons of different articles covering Bourdain’s death, read into his history, watched and re-watched some of his interviews on Youtube, watched some of his other episodes of Parts Unknown wherein he shows us around Chicago, Philippines, etc. and read articles with people discussing the circumstances of his suicide. I even read some of the articles that he shared here on Medium (you should definitely check it out, if you haven’t already) and some of his final posts on Twitter which he posted just days before passing.
The most common theme that I observed out of this entire exercise was that almost everyone said that “he had the best job”, “he was having good relationships with people around him, as a friend, father, lover”, “he was past his problems”, so on and so forth. BUT, only if these people had realized that he committed suicide and that the basis of every discussion around the subject of suicide is that “Everything wasn’t okay”. Sure, these people who had such nice things to say about Bourdain loved him and meant no harm when they went into speculating the cause of his death and neither was Bourdain, in any way, right to have taken away his own life without weighing the consequences of it and reminding himself of the huge implications of his actions on his loved ones (let alone “selfish” viewers like me, who found a cherished travel partner and great storyteller in Bourdain).
To think about why he did what he did, is an exercise in futile. We as human beings have this inherent desire to investigate and find out answers to all the questions but I think to some questions there are no answers to be found, just pure silence and blank space is all you can expect in return to your inquiries and investigations.
What Bourdain did was wrong and unjust and while I feel immensely bad for what he might have been going through, I feel even more sorrow for the people who have to live with the consequences of his decision for the rest of their lives, in particular his daughter, who is just 11 years old. What astonishes me the most and I think will continue to do so is how a guy so clear headed, who had such a good sense of expression, who had traveled the world and been witness to thousands of stories, both happy and sad could firstly, make such a decision and secondly, not even muster the courage to share how he was feeling with anyone close to him.
I guess my sorrow at the loss of Bourdain is turning into anger at him as I continue to write this article but maybe it is happening so for all the good reasons. I for one, have been suicidal at a few instances in my life when it was really hard to get through, as have some of my very close friends who I don’t wish to name, but I believe what has kept most of us from taking the leap is firstly, the realization that the wreckage that we’ll leave behind won’t be small and that we won’t be existent enough to minimize that collateral damage come what may and secondly, the hope within all of us that there might come a day when we’ll be drinking beer at a lawn chair laughing off at those struggles that we once faced with our loved ones around us.
Anthony Bourdain was a hell of a man. I sincerely wish that we weren’t in this status quo that we have found ourselves in and that nothing of such kind had happened for me to even write an article on this issue. He had it all according to the world, a great job, a loving partner and daughter with his former spouse, good health despite of his past addiction problems with drugs and heroin and a really promising career that no one wished ever came to an end, but now we know that it was all good just according to the world.
From a viewer’s perspective, what I can say is that everyone of us learnt a lot from Bourdain and the contributions that he made through his work and I wish to list some of the things that all of us can learn from his life.
1. Be Curious and Willing to Learn (Always)
This is a big one. Bourdain taught us to be always on our feet, be on the move and just explore. The level of curiosity that he evoked among his viewers was unmatched. He hailed from the world of food and his expertise lay in that field but he did not restrict his inquiries till that only. It becomes pretty evident from the minute go the amount of study he put in to create every element of his TV shows. In that regard he was not just a presenter but a journalist. He would cover the social elements of a place to its bone and would go deeper into finding and addressing the problems that a particular region would be facing, what the views of the majority of the natives in that land was regarding that issue and how they were coping with those problems. He would try and explain some or the other festival that would be celebrated in those parts of the world while he would be there and trace the origins of such festivities and all of this in a very didactic yet simple manner. The level of sentiment that he was able to capture through his narration takes years of practice and consistency and it was his never exhausting curiosity that led him to do so.
2. Be Authentic and Transparent
An attribute of Bourdain that is noticed, appreciated and admired by all the people who know him, either on television or off it would perhaps be his rustic authenticity and transparency. He never shied away from saying his mind and he did so without being a dick to the people around him and on the contrary making them feel comfortable about his opinions. This was not a game of manipulation, it was mere charm and straightforwardness that he blend himself up in and served it with a dash of wit and foresight. He always had very realistic expectations and he shared his experiences as they came to him. He did not make his experiences about the rich and the attractive, he always went out of his way to capture the true essence and emotion of a place and delivered it to his audience in the most raw way possible, which in most of the cases was a sheer delight to discover.
On similar lines to his on screen personality, he never tried to hide the challenges that haunted his past and things that made him cringe. He was very vocal about his struggles with drug abuse and the attitude he adorned while working as a chef at a high end restaurant often saying things to his subordinates that he regretted till the end of his life.
3. Travel doesn’t just mean getting on a plane and going to another country
If you follow Bourdain closely enough, then you’ll realize sooner or later that his travel log doesn’t just consist of places that are inconceivable to go to but are often just a train ride away from where you live. For him travelling was about “knowing deeply” and “being fully”, it wasn’t necessarily about standing against archetypal structures and being at the trendiest of places that people would want to feel envious of. It was about evoking that sense of wonder in the minds of his viewers that drove Bourdain to create what he created. It was about finding joy in everyday things and learn from experiences no matter how ordinary they might feel in that time and space. He was an advocate of exploring your own backyard and neighborhood before you went on to explore someone else’s land and culture and that was what made him particularly unique and mesmerizing from all the other contemporary travel show hosts who would emphasize on relaxing over a shallow “vacation” against real travel.
4. Keep your suspicions aside and let the world surprise you with its kindness
Lastly, Bourdain was one of a kind (if you couldn’t figure that out already). He certainly held No Reservations when it came to trying new things, be it food, experiences or cultures. He had the ability to just gather a bunch of people over food, share everyday stories and encapsulate emotion that would translate into a lifelong memory you would want to keep close to your heart. He taught us, above all, to just trust people and have no doubt, suspicion or fear about what they had to offer. He taught us that wherever you go you’ll find people of all kind, but more often than not, they’ll be happy to see you. They’ll be willing to share their meals with you and invite you in their land with warmth and expect nothing but love and a bit of gratitude in return.
Mr. Anthony Bourdain, you’ll be forever in our hearts for generations to come and I hope that people will continue to value and cherish the legacy you leave behind and one day, your soul returns to earth so that others can have the privilege of seeing the world through your eyes once again and benefit from the perspective and clarity you offered. I hope that the final journey that you have harped on towards heaven goes through some of your favorite parts of the world, some of which are not so unknown to us now, thanks to you.
Rest in Peace.
