The Indian phenomena of Closet Parenting.
Growing up things were simple. To do well in life we had to compete, and win. Then the blinders came off. Modern Indian parents turned to the West for a new outlook, looking to shed some of our vestigial values.
We no longer want our kids to focus on winning, but focus on esoteric values like excellence, fulfillment and so on. Movies and countless articles have done their bit in also shaping the conversation. One could even argue that the craze for IB board schools across India, is fueled in part by the need to match our new found liberal views on education.
But it’s when these values are put to the sword that things start to get tricky.
A few years back when we were school hunting I remember being magnetically attracted to a Rudolph Steiner school that had a very laid back and bohemian approach to education. Students decided what they wanted to study, even where. They learnt valuable life skills, and not just the written word. My dream school.
But we found ourselves paralyzed by the fear of our children becoming misfits. Not having the chops to compete for their rightful place at a crowded table. We were liberal, but this was too far afield for us.
Indians are today engaging in ‘closet parenting’. We believe in grades being important but pretend to not care. Put down rote learning, but still get our children to memorize everything. Peer pressure and a modern value system have bent us into extolling hyperlinked keywords, and wanting to believe in a better way of doing things. But behind closed doors we retreat into the comfort of what we are sure of- our childhood. Succumbing to the harsh reality of the world we live in.
It’s not easy being a parent these days. But I think it’s much harder being a child.
