Who am I?

There is a question that has been roaming around the inside of my heart and mind for a few weeks now. And that question is “Who am I?”

When I think about life situations. And I think about how I am treated as a person, how I am treated by those closest to me and those whom I’ve never known before that moment. I think about how my heart cries for justice and fairness. My heart shakes its fist in the face of insults, hurtful attitudes, and malice. And my mind tells me those things are not right; I deserve better.

But then came that thought, the thought that hasn’t left my mind, the thought: Who am I, to think that I deserve better treatment than the Lord of all of Heaven and Earth? Let that sink in for a moment. Who am I to think I deserve better than what my Savior, my Master received?

For you were called to this,
because Christ also suffered for you,
leaving you an example,
so that you should follow in His steps.
He did not commit sin,
and no deceit was found in His mouth;
when He was reviled,
He did not revile in return;
when He was suffering,
He did not threaten
but entrusted Himself to the One who judges justly.
He Himself bore our sins
in His body on the tree,
so that, having died to sins,
we might live for righteousness;
you have been healed by His wounds.
For you were like sheep going astray,
but you have now returned
to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls. (1 Peter 2:21–25)

Who am I to say I don’t deserve that kind of suffering? Christ suffered for me, “leaving [me] an example, so that [I] should follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21). So not only am I to suffer, but also to respond in the manner that Christ responded to suffering. How is that fair?

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)

It is fair because the Lord will take care of all evil acts.

Again I am plagued with the question, Who am I to say I deserve to avenge myself? Who am I to say I am worthy of carrying out punishment for a human being who is no more guilty of sin than I am?

The truth is, I am not deserving of anything more than any other sinful human that walks this planet. I am deserving of Hell. That is ALL I deserve. And when I can wrap my mind around that fact, I am more easily able to endure suffering. Because I can realize that any suffering that I might come across is in no way as horrific as what kind of suffering I would endure if I were to spend eternity in the place I so deserve to be (Hell). I can also rest assured that “the One who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23) and the One who says, “vegeance is Mine, I will repay” (Romans 12:19) DOES deserve to have that role and will repay. I don’t have to worry about the people who caused pain and suffering getting off the hook somehow. They won’t. God is the most capable One to dish out punishment for sins. Because He is sinless. And He is All-Powerful. What better person to perform punishment than the One who is most powerful of all? And all of the evil that is being done against you, is ultimately and most notably being done against God the Father.

Against You — You alone — I have sinned and done this evil in Your sight. So You are right when You pass sentence; You are blameless when You judge. (Psalm 51:4)

Who am I to think I deserve to steal away from God, His justice being served on those who have sinned against Him?

Who am I to think I deserve more than my Master?

Who am I? …

Disclaimer: This article is not to make any suggestions in the event of ongoing physical harm. One must seek Godly help to determine actions to be taken for themselves.

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