Emotional Intelligence
What is emotions?
Emotions,”wrote Aristotle (384–322 BCE), “are all those feelings that so change men as to affect their judgements, and that are also attended by pain or pleasure. Such are anger, pity, fear and the like, with their opposites.”
What is intelligence?
“The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”
Einstein said, "The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." Socrates said, "I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing."
Emotional intelligence:
“The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”
"emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success.”
While it’s only become a more popular buzzword in the past decade, the concept of Emotional Intelligence skills has been around for at least 25 years. Whether you know it as Emotional Quotient (EQ), Emotional Intelligence (EI), or you’re more familiar with the idea of ‘soft skills’ more broadly, EI plays an important role in our daily lives.
Emotional Intelligence underpins our professional relationships, interpersonal communications, and are even related to our ability to motivate ourselves. If you’ve ever held yourself back when you’ve felt like lashing out, you’re already familiar with one way EI works. Like other aspects of the self, it’s not tangible, but even though we can’t see Emotional Intelligence, we can certainly feel its impact.
What are Emotional Intelligence Skills?
According to the APA dictionary of psychology, Emotional Intelligence is
“a type of intelligence that involves the ability to process emotional information and use it in reasoning and other cognitive activities”
– (Dictionary.APA.org, 2018).
It’s clear from this definition that EI is relevant in both our professional and personal relationships, as well as the relationships we have with ourselves. We’ll soon look at the dynamics of how, when it comes to interpersonal skills, EI plays a big role.
The term was coined by two American Psychologists, John Mayer and Peter Salovey in 1997, and from their definition, we can get a great idea of what Emotional Intelligence skills are all about:
“The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.”
Of course, it’s academia, so the idea is constantly being worked on and expanded as more and more research is carried out. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t already quite broad agreement on how Emotional Intelligence works in our everyday lives (Schutte et al., 2011):
EI helps us manage our emotions – by allowing us to dismiss, ignore, or regulate our unproductive emotions in instances where they’re just not instrumental. For example, there’s little value in yelling at a bus driver because your commute has been slowed down by bad traffic;
Our EI abilities are what allow us to notice and understand how others are feeling. They play a big role in defining who we are by shaping our relationships with others around us; and
Our Emotional Intelligence skills are believed to be huge contributors to our overall success in life, due to their influence on our ability to self-manage and motivate.
Is Emotional Intelligence a soft skill?
Interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence, and social skills are often all considered together. They’re intangible, for one, yet have a significant impact on almost everything we do. These are definitely considered soft skills that a good therapist can easily help with.
At the same time, the ‘soft skill’ label doesn’t mean that interpersonal skills like EI can’t be measured psychometrically, or that you can’t develop them yourself in extremely effective ways.
Components of Emotional intelligence:
Emotion is a wide range of observable behaviors, expressed feelings, and changes in the state of mind and body. Feelings, emotions, our likes, and dislikes, give our individual lives meaning and cause us to be happy or unhappy, satisfied or dissatisfied. Intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to deal with other people successfully. By understanding one's own feelings they can understand and evaluate others .According to Daniel Goleman, there are five main elements of emotional intelligence.
- Self-Awareness
- Self-Regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
Self-Awareness
This is the ability to recognize and understand ones moods, motivations, and abilities. Also understanding the effects they have on others. Goleman says to achieve a state of complete self-awareness, an individual must be able to monitor their emotional state and identify their emotions. Traits that prove an individual as emotionally mature include: confidence, the ability to laugh at ones self and their mistakes, and the awareness of how you are perceived by others.
Example: By reading the reaction of someone else, you know how you are perceived by them.
(Goleman)
Self-Regulation
This is the ability to control ones impulses, the ability to think before you speak/react, and the ability to express yourself appropriately. Goleman defines emotional maturity in this component as being able to take responsibility for your actions, being able to adapt to change, and the ability to repond appropriately to other peoples irrational emotions or behavior.
Example: If someone is screaming at you, you know that they are not always angry at you. You have the ability to understand they may be angry at a particular situation and feel they need to take it out on someone. You do not take this personally or react angry back.
(Goleman)
Motivation
This is having an interest in learning and self-improvement. It is having the strength to keep going when there are obstacles in life. It is setting goals and following through with them. Goleman would define an emotional mature individual in this category to have traits such as having initiative and the commitment to complete a task, and having perseverance in the face of adversity.
Example: One who chooses internal motivation driven goals instead of exterior motivation driven goals. Internal motivation driven goals are things such as earning a college degree or becoming a healthier person; things that show self improvement. Exterior motivation driven goals are things that flaunt wealth or status. This is setting goals such as having the next newest and nicest car.
Example: If a student fails a class, they see this as an opportunity to learn and retake the class without self doubt. They do not let failure get in the way of their goal.
(Goleman)
Empathy
This is the ability to understand other peoples emotions and reactions. Empathy can only be achieved if self-awareness is achieved. Goleman believes that one must be able to understand themselves before they can understand others. Emotional maturity in this category includes people having traits such as perception of others, being interested in other peoples worries and concerns, the ability to anticipate someones emotional response to a problem or situation, and the understanding of societies norms and why people act the way they do.
Example: Being able to understand cope with someone elses hardships or sadness. When you fully understand yourself and why you feel the things you feel, you can understand other peoples even if they are different than you.
(Goleman)
Social Skills
This is the ability to pick up on jokes, sarcasm, customer service, maintaining friendships and relationships, and finding common ground with others. Goleman states that emotional maturity in this component defines someone who has good communication skills, good time management, the ability to be a leader or manage a group of people, and the ability to resolve difficult situations or conflicts using negotiation or persuasion.
Example: Someone in a "boss" position usually has a good grasp on handling all different types of personalities. If two of their employees are having a conflict, they can find common ground and resolve the issue in a civilized and fair manner.
(Goleman)
Why EQ is important?
Workers with high EQ are better able to work in teams, adjust to change and be flexible. No matter how many degrees or other on-paper qualifications a person has, if he or she doesn’t have certain emotional qualities, he or she is unlikely to succeed. As the workplace continues to evolve, making room for new technologies and innovations, these qualities may become increasingly important.
Qualities of EQ person?
We are emotional creatures who often make decisions and respond to stimuli based on our emotions. As a result, our ability to grow in EQ has an enormous impact in all of our relationships, how we make decisions and identify opportunities. EQ is enormously important. Through my work, I’ve identified 10 qualities that I believe comprise the emotionally intelligent person.
1. Empathy:
“Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”
We empathize based on the reaction to others. What I’d also say is that empathy can be cultivated and learned through experiences. Store away in your memory those feelings that you feel both in reaction, and as you put things in perspective. Write these thoughts out, analyze them and determine how you want to treat others in the same way you’d want to be treated.
2. Self Awareness:
Self-awareness is the art of understanding yourself, recognizing what stimuli you’re facing and then preparing for how to manage yourself both in a proactive and reactive manner. Self-awareness is how we see ourselves, and also how we perceive others to see us. The second, external aspect, is always the most difficult to properly assess
king care of yourself adds unnecessary stress and health problems to your life. Because of this, people with EI know when it's time to work and when to play. For example, if they need to disconnect from the world for a couple of hours, or even an entire weekend, they will because they need the time to unplug to reduce the stress levels.
3. They embrace change.
Instead of dreading change, emotionally intelligent people realize that change is a part of life. Being afraid of change hinders success, so they adapt to the changes around them and always have a plan in place should any sort of change occur.
4. They don't get easily distracted.
People with high EI have the ability to pay attention to the task at hand and aren't easily distracted by their surroundings, such as text or random thought.
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10 Qualities of People With High Emotional Intelligence
If you want to know if you have high emotional intelligence, here are a few tips to guide you along the way.
By John RamptonEntrepreneur and investor@johnrampton
GETTY IMAGES
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have an unlimited amount of success in both their personal and professional lives? It could be because they possess high emotional intelligence.
According to Psychology Today, "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others." This usually involves:
If you want to know if you have a high emotional intelligence (EI) or want to work on strengthening your EI in order to succeed in life and your career, here are 10 qualities that people with high EI all share.
1. They're not perfectionists.
Being a perfectionist can get in the way of completing tasks and achieving goals since it can lead to having trouble getting started, procrastinating, and looking for the right answer when there isn't one. This is why people with EI aren't perfectionists. They realize that perfection doesn't exist and push forward. If they make a mistake, they'll make adjustments and learn from it. This is one I personally have to work on daily as I tend to be a little more perfectionist.
2. They know how to balance work and play.
Working 24/7 and not taking care of yourself adds unnecessary stress and health problems to your life. Because of this, people with EI know when it's time to work and when to play. For example, if they need to disconnect from the world for a couple of hours, or even an entire weekend, they will because they need the time to unplug to reduce the stress levels.
3. They embrace change.
Instead of dreading change, emotionally intelligent people realize that change is a part of life. Being afraid of change hinders success, so they adapt to the changes around them and always have a plan in place should any sort of change occur.
4. They don't get easily distracted.
People with high EI have the ability to pay attention to the task at hand and aren't easily distracted by their surroundings, such as text or random thought.
5. They're empathetic.
Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, told The Huffington Post that empathy is one of the five components of emotional intelligence. In fact, being able to relate to others, show compassion, and take the time to help someone are all crucial components of EI. Additionally, being empathic makes people with EI curious about other people and and leads them to ask lots of questions whenever they meet someone new.
6. They know their strengths and weaknesses.
Emotionally intelligent people know what they're good at and what they're not so great at. They've not just accepted their strengths and weaknesses; they also know how to leverage their strengths and weaknesses by working with the right people in the right situation.
7. They're self-motivated.
Were you that ambitious and hard-working kid who was motivated to achieve a goal--and not just because there was a reward at the end? Being a real go-getter, even at a young age, is another quality possessed by people with EI.
8. They don't dwell in the past.
People with high EI don't have the time to dwell in the past because they're too busy contemplating the possibilities that tomorrow will bring. They don't let past mistakes consume them with negativity. They don't hold grudges. Both add stress and prevent us from moving forward.
9. They focus on the positive.
Emotionally intelligent people would rather devote their time and energy to solving a problem. Instead of harping on the negative, they look at the positive and what they have control over. Furthermore, they also spend their time with other positive people and not the people who constantly complain.
10. They set boundaries.
While people with high EI may seem like pushovers because of their politeness and compassion, they actually have the power to establish boundaries. For example, they know how to say no to others. The reason? It prevents them from getting overwhelmed, burned out, and stressed because they have too many commitments. Instead, they're aware that saying no frees them up from completing previous commitments.
