“O Son of Adam!
I desire something
and you desire something
but only what I desire occurs.
If you submit yourself to my desire i.e. obey Him,
I will be sufficient for you in your desire.
If you do not submit yourself to me (by disobeying Him),
I will tire you in
what you desire
and (at the end of the day) only what I wish happens and occurs.”
Original Words of Aye Ibn E Adam
Most important thing to influence someone to think about you is to show them, how much you are interested in them. The most precious gift to give someone is to give your time and attention. In our daily life, we listen to others not to understand, but to rebut. This is because we want to prove that “I’m only genius sitting here and I always speak the truth.” This is an extreme desire found in every single person. No one cares about others sentiments and what they think of themselves. Dale Carnegie approach can be helpful in this regard.
Dale Carnegie has beautifully explained this psychology and also how to prevail over this selfishness in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. The first thing to urge a feeling of likeness for you in other person’s heart, is to talk only about other person. Ask for his life goals, hobbies, things he likes, friends, books that you both have read, and his interest in other things to encourage him to talk about himself. Find if you have anything common to share. You have to be truly focused and authentic about him during your conversation. Show genuine interest and be completely present while other person is talking. Most of the people tend to like those, who are good listeners.
Second is to talk about other person’s benefit and his interests. This concept is more clarified in above poem in which ALLAH says: “Bow before me and I’ll give you what you have desired of.” Similarly if you want someone to do you a favor, firstly you have to do him a favor. This doesn’t mean that you have to pass an illegal bill for him. The purpose of saying is that if a person likes apples, tell him something unique about apples. If he loves to play squash, ask him to have match of squash with you. In this way, a bond of affection will form between both of you.
Third, your image in other’s mind. Suppose, a father has two sons. One possesses good habits while other is known for his wrong doings. One day, while father is at some other place, both of them called their father to tell him about an incident. Earlier of them said: “our house has caught the fire”, while other said: “Our house hasn’t caught the fire”. What do you think, on which of his sons, their father would have believed? Definitely the one, who’s image was good. Therefore, keep a polite behavior, be confident and don’t be arrogant, keep a smile on your face and say thank you at the end of your conversation.