I Declare (TV) Bankruptcy

The Golden Age of Television is Exhausting

“You haven’t seen The Wire???”

I haven’t seen The Wire yet. It’s on my list. It’s in the back of my mind. I think of it surprisingly often, in fact. I’ve heard it’s gritty. Real. Heartbreaking. Can’t wait to dive in. Eventually.

But if we’re talking foundational shows for the new golden age of television, I know I need to get to The Sopranos too. And I will.

First let me finish shows that I’ve already started. I saw season one of Lost a decade ago and never continued. Oh, I shouldn’t bother? Is it really not worth the journey?

Ok. Phew. I’ll take your word for it and cross that one off. I haven’t seen J.J. Abrams’s other shows yet and there are a lot of them out there in the world. Oh, Veep? Yeah I loved Armando Iannucci’s other shows and Veep looks hilarious but guys come on I’ve got to finish of those older HBO series in the backlog first.

What’s that? Oh hah, yeah — sweet Calisi reference in the middle of our conversation. Though I do have to admit that I haven’t seen Game of Thrones.

“What do you mean you’ve NEVER seen Game of Thrones??”

No I get it, Game of Thrones is good. Incredible, sorry. I should check it out. But what if I get addicted? That would distract me from the truly important things in life like finally getting past episode 2 of Mad Men. Does Mad Men eventually get less dry? Of course it does. It must if it was so popular. I’m going to find out for myself soon either way. I know I’ve been saying that for a few years now but it’s inched it’s way forward on my Netflix list since then, and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt reminded me of how much I love Jon Hamm. I love advertising, too. And sixties fashion! Mad Men is the perfect show for me. I should be bingeing it now and I feel like a terrible person for not, but what can I do? The Good Wife is on tonight.

Shoot. Looks like the new season’s actually been on for over a month now. Why hasn’t my DVR recorded it? Is it full? Why do I have so many Friends reruns on here?

God, I LOVE Friends. Such a classic. I’m starting to miss the references to it that my real life friends make sometimes because it’s been so long. I think I’m due for a re-watch, but hey if I’m going to watch Matt LeBlanc his new show Episodes is really good – I loved the 3 episodes I saw on that flight! I saw Ballers on that flight too. Not as good but hey, it has The Rock —

*Ding*

Netflix just emailed me that Master of None is out now, and that their algorithm thinks I might like it.

Might like it? It’s about a brown dude with a Muslim name! I have to watch it if I want to keep my brown filmmaker card! But now that I think of it, I might be all talk – I never really gave The Mindy Project a fair shot and Kaling’s been going for years. Shouldn’t I start with her show since it was made first? There are a bunch of seasons, so it must have been good before it was cancelled-– oh God did they cancel it because I didn’t do my duty as a brown person and watch our very first American sitcom every week? I thought quietly appreciating the brown Vancouverite on New Girl was close enough! Should I be tuning in live for Quantico just in case, even though it looks atrocious???

Ok fine, I’ll just add The Mindy Project to my Netflix list and set Quantico to record that so that I can check it out later in case it becomes a surprise cultural phenomenon and I need to catch up.

Oh yeah, the DVR is still full. Huh. It’s still set to record The Flash. Keep it for now, and file that under “later” too. I really dug the pilot but I tried jumping in later in the season and there was some kind of gorilla monster. I need to read the wikipedia page or go back and watch the episodes in-between to catch up. You know the progression between pilot and gorilla monster has to be some good TV.

Unless there’s a better superhero show on? I don’t want to waste my time on The Flash if there’s some kind of classic on and I’m missing it. I hear Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been getting better, and I never did give that a fair shot. Daredevil was great.

And then there’s Jessica Jones, which looks incredible — *ding* — and now my best friend is texting me about plot points in the Jessica Jones season finale. Hey, spoilers! I know it’s been out for a whole 32 hours now but I had some errands to do this morning and didn’t get the same head start as everyone else.

Ok so Jessica Jones goes on my Netflix list, but I won’t cancel my recordings of The Flash just yet either. They have different tones and different things to bring to the table — better start recording Arrow too just in case I need to reference it to understand any crossover episodes with The Flash.

Gah, the DVR is still technically full. Better get to the slow, painful process of deleting things.

Maybe I’ll play something on my laptop while I do that. Something a little less visual, maybe a talk show? Did Jimmy Fallon have any segments I need to see? Oh he had John Mulaney on this week, I love that guy. I’ll just put on that interview while I start cleaning up the DVR…

That interview ended a little quick. But look at that, Mulaney was on Jimmy Kimmel a year ago! I was a fan of John Mulaney a year ago, how did I miss that he was on Kimmel? Does he have any other interviews I missed? He has this one with Seth Meyers that I know I have seen, but I’d love to watch it again. It’s always great to see those two friends talk to each other on TV.

I also totally forgot that Fred Armisen is on Late Night with Seth Meyers. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever finished all of his show Portlandia! I should watch that right now, the sketches are so short it’ll be easy to jump in and out before The Good Wife starts.

I know Portlandia is on my Netflix list somewhere, but where? Searching is too many button presses on this darn TV remote, I’ll just keep scrolling till I find it. Gosh there are a lot of things on my list. I really should clean it up after I’m done with the DVR. What would I take out though?

Luther. I’ve had Luther on my list for two years. I should probably remove that by now.

But I can’t remove Luther, that would be like admitting that I can’t handle serious TV. Portlandia is a diversion, but when I have some time I am definitely watching Luther. I just need to see the American version of Idris Elba on The Wire first.

Speaking of which, when am I actually going to get around to The Wire? Before or after Quantico? Maybe in a mid-summer TV lull when I need a break from seasons of Friends so the Chandler references can really sink in. I could buy the DVDs on Amazon right now.

But no, I need to scroll to Portlandia first because The Good Wife is really starting in about 15 minutes and I do NOT want to miss it and have two episodes to catch up on for next week. Next week is when I need to start The Mindy Project so that I can get to Master of None before I’m way behind on the cultural conversation again.

And speaking of brown people on TV, I’m pretty sure I’m at least a season and a half behind on New Girl — was my Hannah Simone support all just for show? Like when I bought BBC’s Planet Earth and Neil deGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos to prove that I’m smart but I haven’t seen them all yet because those shows are for learning and I’ll need to focus.

But focus isn’t for tonight, because after The Good Wife is Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and I absolutely need to see that live to be in on the joke tomorrow morning. Actually, speaking of tomorrow morning, I have a pretty early start. Should probably think about going to bed at some point.

But I’ll think about that later because I finally just found Portlandia and *ding* I just got a text from another friend asking if I could BELIEVE they just did that on The Walking Dead and now I have to admit I haven’t actually seen The Walking Dead before.

“Wait, you’ve NEVER seen The Walking Dead???”

…I’m going to go read a book.

Kashif Pasta is a filmmaker and co-founder of Dunya Media, a communications agency that connects South Asian and Muslim American audiences with stories they can relate to.

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Want to read more of my posts on medium? Check out How Hasan Minhaj Taught Me to Keep it Real