It seems to be 4 years now; Artificial Loneliness
I’d never imagined to face the most drastic of changes to populate my life 4 years ago. I never expected myself to have a purpose in life. You get those moments when you’re just by yourself while there’s people who genuinely care about you, we all face those times where we’re alone, artificially.
Yes, I mentioned artificial loneliness, you know what that means? It’s the struggle to feel lonely and to cut ties with all other human beings just so you can say “I’m depressed”. What you’re really feeling in those times can be described as suffocation. Suffocation from being too privileged.
Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? As it should be. I wish I had someone tell it to my ears in the tone it should have been said. The world we live in is the world of victims, where every next person is a victim of something even if they’ve been living a well enough life. Sure, everyone has their struggles, but being ungrateful takes you to places where you can’t come back from — Where you victimize yourself for the sake of the insatiable ego you’ve been feeding over the course of time.
Well, what’s it got to do with 4 years? It does, 4 years is the time it took me to set myself straight, to find the little things that matter, to see the good beyond the seemingly hateful. 4 years ago, today, in 2018, I had a dear friend tell me what exactly was my problem as I was just getting into the world of software engineering. I straight up called him mad like any of us reacts when someone points out our weaknesses — A trait so toxic it never lets us grow.
I was doing the exact same things. I had everything an average human being would want; A house, parents, family, money, friends, what more does one need? Yet my ways were toxic beyond comparison. All of those gifts were taken for granted and treated like shit. And for what? Just so I could put up a status quote saying “This is what loneliness feels like”?
Moreover, the friend told me to look at those who have lesser, and those who have nothing, and those who are merely surviving. If you have been there, or are still there, you already know how I replied: “Don’t matter.” Yes, that’s the moment a being rejects their humanity and gives in to ego — The birth of a narcissist.
When I hear those words from someone’s mouth today, and I hear them more often than ever — The world of software engineers is the embodiment of ungratefulness, I get two sub-conscious thoughts; “This better be some teen” and “another adult baby”. At this point, one can waste food and find excuses to justify the act and I won’t be surprised.
To be human is to feel, to feel is to live, to live is to find happiness, to find happiness is to help others — Firefighters ought to be proud.
To conclude, let go of your urge to be the center of the universe, you will fail and you will fall and, trust me, the fall is mostly fatal. It doesn’t kill your body, but your soul, your humanity. Find gratitude before you find yourself alone, because at that point, you’ll be blaming everything but yourself for what happened, because that’s what you’ll have become — A slave of ego.
