Dotun Kassim
Nov 7 · 4 min read

The millennium’s last year as a teenager was my first year after teendom. What I am saying is I lived out my 20th year in the 19th year of 21st century. See what I did with those numbers!
It’s that time of the year when I pause to put down my reflections of the last one year, and in putting pen to paper I can’t help but remember all the other times I ought to have done this through the year that I didn’t, all the words in my head that I smothered before they became ink stains on a blank sheet. So, I’ll start the tour of my stand out experiences from here. Would you walk with me?
The first year of my third decade was a lot of failing and falling, of thinking of everything I could be that I wasn’t, of experiencing the Apostle Paul’s dilemma first hand, ‘My lofty desires to do what is good are dashed when I do the things I want to avoid’*. Of thinking I could never get this thing called life right. And because after rock-bottom the only way to go is up, it was a year of putting a halt to beating myself up so bad, of receiving forgiveness and forgiving myself, of accepting the frailty and limitations of my humanity, of embracing all my weaknesses as God inviting me to take on His strength. I was reminded that when I get to the end of myself is when He’s just getting started. I learnt that God doesn’t need me to have it all together before He can do through me what He wants.

More interestingly! This year was about taking a bold step and getting a haircut, my first ever! For as long as I can remember, my hair never made the cut, it was either not long enough or too scanty or thin. I would see a hairstyle and get so excited about replicating it, only to remember I didn’t have the edges nor the fullness nor the length to pull it off, so I decided to do what works for me, to let my hair be all it can be without worrying about what it can’t be. You know what my hair can be, it can be short and while at it, it can as well be coloured purple one day and orange the next, it can be in curls or it can be kinky. It can be all it has been in the past eight months. It can be uniquely mine.
Twenty was an increase in the number of times questions about the presence or absence of my significant other came up. It was as though once my age had two in it, I was expected to find my ‘second-half’ with whom I want to become one. Friends playfully brought it up in conversations, aunties asked ever so bluntly and directly, this time not with the hopes of being the cool relative that knew all the secrets you couldn’t tell your mother, rather they hoped to get confirmed information that your mother had already come to terms with. Somehow, this was the year it ceased to be an uncomfortable topic, not only with people but with myself. It’s why I’ll be honest to list my fears in front of the mirror, it’s why I can share this with you in writing.
2019 was for breaking moulds and dropping labels and stepping into unfamiliar territory. My ‘I don’t do make up’ label took a back seat as I bought my own stuff and sat under the tutelage of my dear friend who says her God-expression is making people beautiful. I surprised myself by dropping the ‘I’m not a techy person’ label and agreeing to be a part of the core team of the Google Developer Students Club in my school. I’m also letting go of the ‘lone ranger’ label and learning to be at the receiving end of help without feeling like a burden. Leadership is constantly breaking me free from the ‘I’m not a people person’ mould, one I was so comfortably set in until recently. How can I not enjoy being around the ones I love and serve?
Very significantly, it was a season of taking the roots of relationships deeper than surface level, most of which was against my natural inclination or willing decision. I found the best mentor for me after I was lovingly instructed to do so by my Mama Dove. Questions arising in leadership dragged my self-sufficient head to seek wise counsel from an older friend. Hurt from disappointment stretched my pain threshold beyond its capacity and led me to what I can call one of my most fulfilling friendships. Distance between my brother and I made our hearts grow fonder and gave us worlds of things to discuss that we wouldn’t have had if we were together. Looking forward to telling my interested roommates the highlights of my day almost everyday strengthened our friendship. Laughing my heart silly for no reason in particular in weekly car rides with my best girls broke down walls I didn’t even know I had put up. Spending two months on an internship with a couple of my classmates brought me down my high horse of keeping to myself and not saying more than was absolutely necessary. This deeper sense of joy in friendships made me more particular about helping someone find this joy.
If I could theme my second round-figure year, I’d call it ‘People’, because, of everything I remember looking back, the memories with family and friends and sometimes even acquaintances are the most vivid.
I wonder what 21 would be. I hear something like ‘Places’. Aren’t you excited for me already?
*Romans 7:19 (TPT)

Dotun Kassim

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