I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.

One of the primary reasons I moved to Colorado (twice) was because I wanted to escape the heat. I grew up in the Midwest, where the stickiness of summer clung to you like a second skin. When exiting cars or houses, my glasses would immediately fog. It was stifling.

BUT YOU GUYS. It’s hot in Colorado. Unless you’re above 8,000 feet in altitude, it really doesn’t matter. Last Thursday, it was hotter in Denver than it was in Las Vegas, Tucson, and some other hot location I can’t remember. Likely Death Valley. It was that hot.

I will grant that it’s not humid here. Yes, we have “the dry heat.” However, that does not mean we’re not sweating. That does not mean inner thigh chafing isn’t happening. And, unlike Phoenix (from what I recall 20 years ago), we don’t have those magical mister things that cool you off as you meander through cute shopping areas or sit on rooftop patios, sipping too much sangria.

DENVER, BRING FORTH THE MISTERS.

See, when it’s hot, you can only achieve naked. Naked is it. But cold? You can bundle as much as you want. Cold invites snuggling. Hot invites…not snuggling.

Sure, we can swim in the summer, and it’s a lot more fun to do stuff outside. I did a hike last week, early in the morning, and it was phenomenal. And here, it legitimately is cooler in the shade. When the clouds obscure the ball of fire in the sky we refer to as the sun, it really does drop the temperature a couple degrees.

STILL SUPER WARM, FRIENDS. It’s great to brag about the average 310 days of sunshine in Denver until we’re daily eclipsing 95 degrees.

The irony here is that I honestly meant to set the tone for the second half of the year with hope and happiness. I think the hot temperatures have made all the abysmal news just harder to wash off. The negativity sticks easier to sweaty skin. But people are working to make things better. Change will happen. Without the downs, we don’t have the ups.

Oh shit, I’m about to go here. What I’m saying is this — that despite the oppressive heat and the oppressive government…ahem…I’m apologizing in advance…

The future’s so bright…