My daughter came into the bedroom this morning before six in tears because the tooth fairy had not visited. The tooth fairy had taken a Xanax at bedtime with plans to do her job early in the morning.

The tooth fairy is WAY PISSED at the cat who jacked things up for her by waking up aforementioned child nearly two hours before she normally gets up. The tooth fairy is not beyond cat shaming.

The culprit.

I would like to add that the tooth fairy is somewhat brilliant and managed to salvage some credibility by leaving a card with a note indicating she couldn't find the tooth, but left a few bucks anyway. The tooth fairy did this prior to having any coffee, by the way.

Thank goodness I was able to find the card behind my daughter's bed while she was in the bathroom sobbing. Upon seeing the card, she started laughing and felt bad for making the tooth too hard to find for the tooth fairy.

Too early for a drink?

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