I never imagined I would be right where I am now. Sitting on the couch because I know sleep will be a battle. I am trying to let go of two of my children. I must let go of them in order to be mentally and emotionally available for the child I do have the privelage of raising. If I don’t do that, I won’t make it. I have a little girl who is literally my world. I devote my life to making sure she is happy and healthy and all that good stuff. I can’t help but feel like I’m basically sacrificing two kids to save the other. I have to keep above that depression, I have to. The baby needs me and I won’t fail this time. I will fight to the death to remain sober, above the fog of saddness I sit on at night… How can you stay sane? When you know you won’t see two of your children for a uknown period of time? How do you breathe? It coukd be years. A year to a four year old boy is forever.

By the way, my mother (custodion of two older kids) recently filed a police report. She claims my huband (Brian) and I stole the following items:

2 handguns (a glock & a smith & wesson

6 (or 7 or 8 or so) military style knives (they don’t know? how can you not know the answer when you’re the one fabricating the claim?

7 or so men’s baseball caps 2 or 3 puffy winter vests

“several” pairs of men’s pants


So… her police report contains not a single truth. My mother thinks she’s smart- she claimed guns were stolen by two felons who can’t be in a house where they may have access to any guns.

As I told the detective, I have come way too far, both in my sobriety and in becoming more and more comfortable taking on the role of SAHM. If I had seen a gun at my mother’s house (I didn’t) I would not touch it.

My fingerprints and DNA are on file.

I see a gun, I’m leaving the premises.

I am so careful lately about trying not to break the law that my brain has become nothing but random bits of law code.

After impersonating me and violating privacy and HIPAA laws, this woman invents the theft of the most random collection of shit no one want, and threw the guns on top as the main focus.“Of course, we must be dangerous and bad. Of course we would steal guns.”


This woman has always assumed that I must be an imbecile. Though I have to admit, I definitely played the part fir her because she let more of her fucked up thoughts out the dumber I appeared to be.