Trump is now a trigger
In my life, I’ve done some things that look silly. I’ve walked home in neighborhoods that people consider safe with one hand on pepper spray and the other dialing 9–1–…; I’ve insisted that people text me when they get home, and messaged their friends on Facebook when I don’t hear back; I’ve instinctively brandished my car keys at my boyfriend when he ran towards me in an outfit I didn’t recognize.
This is the kind of behavior that can look paranoid. It’s the sort of anecdote that makes men say “women are crazy” or women say “he’s overly sensitive.” I understand how it looks from the outside; If you’ve never had a bad experience, it’s hard to relate.
But here’s the thing: every person you have ever met has had a bad experience, and for many, that experience has made us feel unsafe to simply be. Trigger Warning: harassment and sexual assault ahead.
It’s easy to assume that assault only happens to people you don’t know, who are not like you, or who live in different circumstances. So I’m going to tell you some of our stories.
I have been solicited and threatened by three people in broad daylight with witnesses nearby each time. I also once dated a man who repeatedly heard the word “no” in private spaces as a challenge, not an ultimatum. In each situation, I only escaped thanks to the intervention of other people.
Two of my female friends have been sexually harassed by strangers, one on public transportation and the other in her own home.
Four women I know have been chased down the street by strange men until they could reach the safety of a locked car or a secure front door.
Two of my friends have entered consensual situations that changed once they reached the men’s apartments. When they felt differently and wanted to leave, they said so. Neither of these men allowed my friends to go home.
Two women for whom I care deeply have been betrayed and sexually assaulted by someone they once trusted.
Two men I know have had their boundaries seriously violated by women. They can barely talk to their male peers about the damage they still feel.
At least twelve women and men in my life who once felt safe now know fear. If everyone knows twelve people who have been hurt by sexual harassment, threats and violent crimes, then mathematically we have all been affected by sexual abuse. That is our “normal” and it is not okay.
So what is the point of bringing up all this poison? Why here? Why now?
Here, on this blog, I am my own boss. There is no editor-in-chief or network executive telling me to “be cool” or “stop rocking the boat” because talk could tank ratings or complicate internal politics. Most sexual abuse goes unreported because people in positions of power tell victims that speaking up will end badly for them or change nothing at all.
One month from now, a man who thinks this culture is right and acceptable has a 50/50 chance to become the leader of the United States. And if he does, all the predators in this country who have ever thought about assaulting someone will realize they can do it without repercussions. Because if the person in charge says it’s okay, then it is okay. Leadership by example matters. An assaulter-in-chief cannot enforce law or punishment for rapists among the 300 million people he leads.
We all know someone who has been hurt by the world view endorsed by Donald Trump. We will face greater danger in the country he would create as president. Please, for them, for you, register to vote in this election and keep sexual predators, especially Donald Trump, out of elected office.
