World cup fever was over. I was rooting for Argentina or Brazil, however, neither won the world cup 2014. I had nothing to look forward to after work or over weekends. Ever since his underwear was dropped in mail, continuing emails with Jake seemed to be absolute non sense. As a matter of fact, nothing made sense out of what was going on between me and Jake last few months. Apparently, we never had a chance to begin a relationship. It was just a random series of good dates and bad dates. It was strange enough for me to want to call it over. One of those sleepless nights, I was determined to end this stupidity. So I opened my laptop and started writing an email to Jake at 2 in the morning telling him that “you’re not a right guy for me because you take away smiles from me. It’s best that we walk away and never talk”…every word in that email was truly how I felt. Also, I tried to make myself very clear as I didn’t want to think about us again, perhaps there had never been us.
As intended, I didn’t hear back from Jake from that email at least for a while. Memories whether fun or not were meant to be fading away and time heals almost everything. A few weeks went by peacefully and I stopped wondering about him and me and why things hadn’t worked out between two people. All I asked for was a peace. There was no need for me to love and hate someone at the same time either…
One night, I was online multitasking: blogging, searching internet, online shopping and etc. as usual. Jake started sending me IM out of blue. That was deja vu all over again. I knew the pattern that had been repeated, which I believed that I put on silence for good. He said he wanted to make peace with his past, however, that broke my peace. He thought he would never bother me again but wanted to explain himself at the same time. Had he told me that being in a committed relationship wasn’t something he wanted in the first place. I wasn’t sure whether I should believe everything he was telling me. His loner personality, emotional issues with relationship and etc. As much as I wanted to believe him, I’m not either psychologist or therapist or knew this dude well enough to what extent I should believe or disbelieve. I stayed online listening to what he had to say for a couple of hours but then I couldn’t help asking myself …Do I still have a little bit of hope back in my mind that this might be a fresh start for us?
To be continued…
