The paradox of admiration….

Without your socially projected love I am nothing but a 20 something year old failure?..

A gasp of disbelief at the thought of questioning gender roles… Media and political platforms project equality, yes, however… doesn’t social settings prevail?

He sees something beautiful and is intoxicated with admiration.. This is only granted from that flip side to the coin that is engrained from a young age, your wife should be proper, home keeper, doting upon your every need and must bare your children, she must never complain or wish for anything more than that life as that life with you is the utmost of honours that can be granted to a woman.. However, he knows you are complete and independent.. never needing a cent of a man’s hard earned money.. never wishing for a life of playing happy families.. knowing adventure will always be paramount. His lust burns fierce at this thought, the challenge is intoxicating and a mission is formulated to taming this wild beast. To tame so much as to generate a perception of a ‘normal relationship’ yet knowing, she beats the heart of a beast beneath all the niceties..

Then comes the fight within, variation is not acceptable.. you must fit the mould.. you must do as I say and not as I do..

He wishes for that mould.. The whip is cracked and with the act of dominance so then comes ownership. I wish for you to be my wife, bare my child and be mine forever.. You must be ecstatic.. How lucky are you!

Her mind freezes with red hot fear.. Every fibre of her being is telling her to run.. life crashing around her.. no longer can she strive to be successful, her goals are to disintegrate along with her independence. She’s ungrateful, yet, free.. She wishes to be her own master of her life.. command and control is not the life for her. She will never be free, a life of purgatory she has committed to. Limbo between sacrifice and freedom.

Deeper than self loathing.. there is a paradox for what a partner wants.. strength, independence, drive, adventure and impulsiveness is at the core. The idea of a wild spirit being tamed…Pain and love being paramount for lust. The pain is knowing she will never fit that mould and the love formulated from the adventure and drive which fuels her light. As he dulls her light day after day, the battle once again has been won, the flame has gone, dark and unrecognisable he leaves her to find another to tame and to make him complete…

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