“I guess I should just give up now”

Yesterday was day two in my three-week journey. And I didn’t show up for my workout. Yup I didn’t hit play yesterday after work. You might be thinking, “but it was only day two!” I know I was. I was also thinking that if I cannot possibly show up for my goals two days in a row what they hell I even am trying to accomplish. I mean I should probably quit before I let myself down for the zillionth time, right?

Maybe in the past I would have looked at yesterday’s skipped workout as a failure. Maybe in the past I would have used it as the perfect excuse to get out of doing anything worthwhile again. I definitely would have used it as a reason to spend a few days, okay fine a few weeks, hating on myself for my total inability to stick to anything, because I obviously really suck at life. And really what the hell am I even doing, thinking I can accomplish anything. Literally anything.

I can be pretty mean to myself, as you can see. Over the past few years I have learned a few tricks to stop these kind of thoughts in their tracks. Granted they might be half way to the end of the track by the time I stop them but I do stop them for the most part. And I am not about to let a skipped workout send me down the rabbit whole of shame, hate, anger and pity. This girl doesn’t have time for those poison thoughts anymore.

So yes, I skipped day two, which can seem pretty bad if that is all you are focusing on. I also spent 20 minutes meditating, and like another hour journaling about my meditation because it was just that insightful. I broke through some pretty important barriers last night that had NOTHING to do with working about but where equally important. And while maybe a work out after the fact would have felt pretty great I didn’t feel that I needed it. I trusted that I had a productive day and I trusted that I needed that meditation and that time to start a conversation with the universe more than I needed to workout. Instead of berating myself for not showing up for my workout I have decided to celebrate myself for showing up for what I needed yesterday.

In case you are wondering I am not quitting. I know that one missed workout, no matter how far in I am, will not change what I started this 21-day journey for in the first place. After all this is an experiment. I am taking on this three-week challenge for more reasons than simply changing the way I look. I am doing this because I see a learning experience in all of this. I see another opportunity to better understand myself, my habits and my hang ups. I am learning what my body can do, what it cannot do. I learning more about my limits, about when to push myself and when not to. And on day two I learnt about focusing on all the great things I accomplished rather than the one thing I did not accomplish. It is a lot easier to keep going when you focus on all the good you have done.