This is super interesting. Our self theories are about being openminded, receptive learners — and that’s the mindset we’re in as we voraciously sponge up startup advice and ‘what the heros do’. In fact, that’s why we seek advice…
But so many people solicit advice thinking the former (I want to learn) and craving the latter (do the hard work for me). And often, like you point out, it’s more subconscious — like Kahneman’s “System 1 takeover” where automatic emotions trump deliberate analysis (System 2/ slow thinking).
We have some empirical data that speaks to this — while intuition would tell you that when people seek advice or consult with others that they want to hear personal experiences. In fact, the advice that’s rated most highly is concrete, with “you statements” like “you *should* do this, now.”
Great, honest piece. Also love how the Buddha lurks in the details!