How not to pack a suitcase

I go away on short trips a lot, so you’d think I would have learnt to be quicker at this.

Good packing involves planning early.
Plan to write a list of everything you need.
Also plan to start packing early in the week, like if you are going away Friday, plan to start packing on Tuesday evening.
Forget to write a list.
Eh, you don’t need a list. You take pretty much the same stuff every time. Make a mental note to take gift for small child/pet purchased especially.
8.30pm Thursday rolls around (you are leaving Friday afternoon). Finally drag suitcase out.
Ask yourself, do I really need the big suitcase? Answer yourself, no, you don’t. For this time you will Pack Light.
Spend ten minutes searching for your sports bag.
First things first. Underwear. Laboriously count out underwear for the number of days you are away. Because you like to be prepared like that.
Grab some bras (black, flesh, red — you want to be prepared for all eventualities). Ooh, sports bras.
Spend ten minutes searching for sports bra.
Unearth socks. Realise all your favourite socks are in the wash.
You can deal. You can. You can just wear other socks.
Handwash your favourite socks and leave them dripping in the shower. It’s ok, you’ll use a hairdryer on them in the morning. And you won’t forget them because you’ll see them in the shower.
Go back and stare at half filled sports bag.
Tell yourself that you will definitely be able to choose just one outfit per day and one spare.
Except you really would like to take three skirts, and you really want to wear your new dress out to dinner, but you wouldn’t wear it on the flight because it might get dirty, so you really need a ‘travelling’ outfit too…
Decide five outfits and three spare is fine. Totally fine. You can’t really decide what you want to wear ahead of time anyway.
Realise you now have too many clothes to fit into the sports bag.
Repack everything into the big suitcase. Ok, that’s clothes done. Take a break. Packing is exhausting.
Scroll through Facebook mindlessly on your phone for 43 minutes, then realise you still have to finish packing because you’re going to work in the morning before your flight in the afternoon.
Right! Back to it. Decide you won’t take makeup, you never wear anything other than lipgloss.
Decide you will take makeup, just in case.
Gather your laptop, iPad, ebook reader and associated cords and plugs.
Wonder why it is that you cannot travel anywhere without all of these. Surely one is enough by now. (But you need the laptop if you have to draft something, and the iPad is better for looking things up, and it’s so much easier to read books on your ebook reader than your phone…)
You still actually need to use laptop tonight so put it back.
Take another break and go to bed. Packing is really, really exhausting. You can pack toiletries in the morning anyway.
Morning! You are going away today! Feel like you should feel excited but just feel annoyed instead.
Stumble blindly into shower, knocking damp socks into flow of water.
Disgustedly wring socks out using towel. It’s ok, they can travel damp.
Realise that you can’t really pack toiletries because you have to go to work and you’ll want to shower when you get home from work.
Go to work for the morning.
Shower when you get back. Finally, you can pack the toiletries!
Oh and the laptop.
Finally you can close the suitcase! And your backpack which is holding all your (very heavy) electronic goods (plus extra jumper that didn’t fit in suitcase).
Ready to leave! Pack everything in car. Hurray!
Final check of house. Lock door.
Start car engine. Hurray, you’re on your way!
Turn car off, go back in house, grab specially prepared gift.
Find another bag to hold gift which is awkward shape and delicate and therefore will be squished if put into any other bag including handbag.
Finally leave after obsessively triple checking tickets, wallet and phone are with you, firmly telling yourself that if you forget anything else you don’t care.