It’s Still Too Small

Twenty-nine. 
Twenty-nine. 
Oh, how I’ve waited! 
It’s about fucking time!

Can I measure your penis?
Darling fuck pet of mine.
Damn, it’s so small. 
I’m turned off, I decline.

It must be real hard,
Keeping up with the rest of the boys,
They wave their penis’ in the locker room,
They make fun of your nuts and shlong,
Say, they look like little toys.

It must be so awkward, 
Being different from the rest. 
They have big, meaty penis’
You’ve got no hair on your chest.

When you go out to drink,
Can you see over the bar?
Or what about smokes?
That cocks no bigger than a cigar.

At the movies, you get carded.
Like, your still under eighteen. 
Shits straight retarded.
I need a man whose sheets,
I can sliver in between.

Does your penis work?
Like a real man’s wood?
Come on, Twenty-nine.
Show me that little penis,
The tiniest penis that never could.

When I was twenty-nine,
We took acid,

Drank moonshine, 
Got naked and fucked,
Each ass unassigned.

Handcuffed and booked.
A party meets a gold mind. 
And never once, did we speak
About how the night did 
Or did not unwind.

As for your birthday wishes, 
It’s time for your little dick to go to bed.
I see no strippers, no celebration, 
Only masterbation,

Alone…Instead.

Plus, maybe a tearful pillow 
To crown your sobbing, shrinking head. 
With your little cock and balls,
It’s no wonder all your relationships are short and dead.

But FINE!

Let’s see it again.
Go ahead, don’t be shy,
You pull out your penis.
I sit back and I sigh.

Now, show me the head 
See, that wasn’t so bad.
Except it’s very tiny, 
It’s so small,
It’s so sad.

Oh Twenty-nine, oh Twenty-nine!
I hate to say it, but its true,
Your dicks not big enough for me. 
I need someone older and bigger than you.

Cause no one wants to fuck a hot dog,
Drowning in a large vaginal wall.
Maybe in another year, 
But for now, it’s a no, my darling. 
Cause you’re penis hasn’t grown at all.