Hi Martin, I’m not sure I understand what you mean. My emphasis on solitude is because I have never actually really spent any significant time on my own and I think it is important for me to learn to find contentment within myself instead of hedging my happiness on someone else — something I have repeatedly done. It’s actually very difficult for me to be alone — it’s not something I’ve ever liked.
I will say that there is a form of control (which I don’t believe is the same as power) I am looking for — control over my own life, body and happiness — things I have consistently handed over to other people and have consistently been hurt by doing. I am not looking for “power” over anyone else.
I have had many experiences of going for men who do not really respect me and in so doing have lost some respect for myself, which I am trying to work on. That does not mean I want to be alone forever or that there are not many respectful men out there.
Do you not agree that we all need to find some solitude sometimes in order to understand and appreciate ourselves? Especially when one has gone through a great sadness or change as I did…