Hitachi Sweat :

anotherkatiecarr
Jul 10, 2017 · 2 min read

That one time I was continually reminded of my inadequacies while trying to relax

There is a particular kind of sweat that accumulates when forcefully hitachi-ing your clit. It begins to bead at the point of peak concentration before trickling down the back of your leg, tickling the small hairs you missed with the straight razor you bought off of amazon, and meeting the bottom of your ankle where it holds firm: nowhere left to go.

And breaking your concentration.

It’s uncomfortable and in a moment where all attention needs to be directed at letting go, it breaks whatever dulled calm you’d begun to lean into. You are exposed now, but without release. It makes you feel dirty. Like mid-way up a mountain you reached into your backpack to discover you left your water bottle at the base. You turn to your peers for support, only to find that you are naked and they are are dressed for snow.

Earlier today you went hiking. You hadn’t worn socks because you couldn’t find any in a drawer or direct line of sight on the floor- which reminded you how dirty or disorganized you feel. The bead of sweat begins to form and you anticipate the break in concentration, willing focus to your hitachi’s gaze.

Ignore the leg.

Because you haven’t worn socks today, as the virgin bead of sweat begins its descent down the back of your leg it lands at the mouth of a newly ripped blister. It rests there. You had not prepared for the sting and so you are caught off guard. You immediately release your arm from the hitachi handle and it sputters to the side.

The water bead bores itself under your skin and you wince & wish you’d worn socks on that hike today. This again, reminds you of the socks you haven’t washed & have misplaced. You are painfully aware of how hot it is under the covers now, sweat spreading across your back and sticking you to the sheet under the cover. Your ankle stings and you try to shake it off and because that doesn’t work you feel you missed out on something important somewhere while growing up. Basic self-care concepts. Habits in self care. You further dislodge yourself from your position, wiggle out your legs and cock your arm down, digging underneath the covers for a piece of duvet to wipe your ankle with. You succeed after some time, and the sting is dulled, the muted throbbing of your body scolding you, tired of your ineptitude and it always having to do all the work.

You let the corner of the duvet fall to wherever it lands. You bring your hand up to your hip where it rests & you lay there: dislodged and awake and on edge.

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