I’ve been unwell for a long time now. The last week was one of the worst experiences I’ve endured, a physical and mental ordeal. It’s hard to avoid sounding melodramatic when I use the word ‘broken’, but that is the only term I could think of to describe what I’ve been feeling. It’s hard to hold on to anything when you’re suffering that badly.
I’ve cried so much, begged any higher power for some relief. I didn’t think I was going to make it through and I still don’t know if I will, but I can breathe for a minute and wanted to use that brief respite to write down what has been happening. I have no energy or will to reach out to anybody for reasons that make sense to me, though perhaps they are harder to explain to others. Sometimes it was too exhausting to even have a conversation. It’s a profound level of exhaustion and pain combined with being emotionally ready to give up the fight.
