The Art Of Socializing, Why It’s So Important To Create Micro Moments Of Connection
And how it’s so beneficial to our health and mental wellbeing
I put on 20 pounds in a span of 3 months when the pandemic first hit.
Today, it’s so easy to stay home and never leave if you don’t want to.
Feeling hungry? UberEats or Instacart to the rescue.
Want to watch something? Netflix or HBO Max, take your pick.
Need to get something? Amazon.
For most things, you can now easily order it online and have it delivered to your door and the most effort you’ll have to do is click “buy” and walk to your front door to pick up your package.
It’s quick, easy, and very addicting which is how I quickly went down a spiral of comfort and went click happy.
But around this time and thereafter, I started to neglect my personal relationships also, falsely believing “oh well, they’ll reach out” but no, they did not.
See, the thing about relationships is that you have to put in the effort to maintain it and when you don’t, it can quickly fizzle out. Now, I know for long time friendships it’s not as easy as that, but for me I continuously neglected connecting.
Why?
I was too happy being alone and figured, I have everything I want right here at home so why bother doing anything extra?
Except, after a few months I could not be more miserable, sure I could stay in and binge Netflix morning to night and order whatever comes to mind but… without anyone to share that with or talk to, things got lonely.
Why Bother Socializing?
We’re social beings by design and going against that will only hurt us in the long run.
“Human beings are social creatures. We are social not just in the trivial sense that we like company, and not just in the obvious sense that we each depend on others. We are social in a more elemental way: simply to exist as a normal human being requires interaction with other people.” — Atul Gawande
Having friends and being in a tight knit group makes for good times sure but the benefits of having close friends is so much more than that. They can help motivate you to be a better rounded person and teach you to be more open minded.
Friendships also provide a healthy emotional outlet so you have someone to turn to and vent, to problem solve and get a second opinion on something you’re thinking of doing.
Outside of your family and your spouse, having a few close friends offers long lasting health dividends.
Now, if you lean more shy (like me) you might be more inclined to close yourself off to too many social connections. The problem with that however is when taken too far, your social skills will take a definite hit. So much so that you might experience anxiety over any social experience.
I started slow and tried to get back out there but instead of striking up a full blown conversation with someone, I opted to make small moments of connection.
Every now and then when going out for a walk, if I saw someone I’d try to smile and greet them. At cafe’s or the grocery store, really any social setting, I’d try to have at least one encounter where I focused in on someone other than me.
And the best connection tip I found to work? *Complimenting* someone.
A person’s eyes will light up, their lips will curl into a smile and before you know it, you’ll walk away knowing you made their day somehow.
Continuously doing that will make the world less daunting and overwhelming and it also trains you to see beyond yourself and see the rest of the world as well.
Go local
Instead of immediately going to Amazon to purchase something, I would recommend checking out local businesses around you to see if they carry what you need.
Need household tools? Why not check out your local hardware store.
Want a new book? Check out your local bookstore or go to the library.
Then once you’re there, try to talk to someone and at worst you’ll walk away having made small talk OR you could make a new connection and have a new friend.
Another way to socialize would be to join local groups either on MeetUp or go on Google and you’ll see a ton come up in your area.
Find a group and don’t worry about making the commitment to always go, but go with the intention of getting outside your comfort zone and talk to at least 1 person.
Keep In Touch With Current Friends
I’m putting in the effort now to make time to see and connect with friends even though I don’t have to, but I want to. For you start by,
- Going through your phone contact list
- Text or voice message people how they’ve been, how they’re doing and schedule a meet up
- Make a regular meet up with a large group of friends every month and stick to it
More often than not, they’ll be happy you reached out and they might have been meaning to do the same but might not have had the time.
Wrapping Up
Making friends in adulthood is hard enough but instead of diving all in, I would aim to start small by creating tiny bonding moments. Get out of your comfort zone bit by bit and instead of fearing looking awkward, know that you truly don’t have anything to lose.
Everyone is out there trying to figure their own way in this life, but you better believe everyone appreciates a good moment where you acknowledge them, compliment them, and get to know them.
In another person’s eyes that’ll make you memorable and worth knowing, but it starts by initiating that moment.
If you liked this piece, please consider further supporting my work here! ❤️️
