Gun Control?

TROUBLED YOUTH
by Dr. Kathy Lacina

Kathleen Lacina
Sep 8, 2018 · 7 min read

www.Searchthyself.com

Looking back at my life as a child (some 50 years ago), so much has changed in technology and academics but the pressure on children has increased as well as their emotions. Fear seems to have escalated and depression increased.

Home life for me was dealing with alcoholism and sexual abuse. I was expected to be responsible at the early age of eleven. I was babysitting my younger sibling after school then I watched 2 young boys down the street after dinner. I was expected to perform household duties and cook an entire meal for the family.

Youth today have to deal with some of the same issues as well as other hardcore issues as drug addiction, gun riots, and intense peer pressure and at a much earlier age. There is so much anxiety and worry among our youth and rightfully so. Working as a mobile therapist I saw both sides of the track having different kinds of needs. Some, not all, of the middle to upper class had spoiled children who were disrespectful to authority, always wanting more stuff, had an entitlement attitude, had very little responsibility, little to no discipline and had exhausted parents trying to keep up with the demands.

On the poor side of the track, the children had behavioral problems for different reasons. The parents on welfare had the entitlement attitude, oftentimes expecting the children to act as adults and if they didn’t perform, the discipline was usually severe. One of my youngest children (age 5), had a gun to his head if he did not do as he was told. Other times he was beaten black and blue. The child was not the problem, the adults were, but they wanted nothing to do with a counselor. “Here is my kid, you get paid to fix him, not us” was often the reply. When the child was temporarily taken away due to abuse, the parent did just enough to get him back home mostly for the money and food stamps. These children were neglected in so many ways, only to rebel and act out as a cry for help.

There are different causes and effects on either side of the track, but the cry for help is none the greater. These same kids grew up to have their own kids who are now struggling because, without help, dysfunction begets dysfunction.

In my experience, having someone to talk to was all I needed to cope. Didn’t make my life any better per se’ but I could let go of the momentary anxiety and move on to the next.

The children I counseled, who had a confidant that they could trust, made all the difference in the world. Even if it was the mobile therapist twice a week, it meant everything to them to have one person to believe in them, reassure them, validate them and care about their welfare. Some of the kids I counseled 20 years ago find me on Facebook just to let me know how they are doing.

It’s important that parents and caregivers help children understand and work out their worries even if it seems insignificant to us. It’s important that your child knows it’s okay to be anxious or nervous about something, but talking about it can help. It’s important to listen, show empathy and keep lines of communication open. Children tend to magnify a situation which makes the worry much bigger than it needs to be. I remember my daughter continually asking me the “what if” questions which needed to be answered to eliminate some of her fears. By answering these possible scenarios, I kept the door of communication open and she knew it was safe to tell Mom anything.

While in Junior high, my daughter Shannon came to me with a legitimate worry which took a couple of talks to finally resolve the concern. The first question was, “what if a friend told you something in secret and made you promise not to tell?” My answer to her was, “It depends on the secret. If it were to cause a danger to them or to someone else, then you have to decide the possible outcome should you tell or not.”

“But if I tell, she might not be my friend anymore.”

(This is still a legitimate concern today for our youth).

I could tell Shannon was worried about her friend, but I wasn’t going to force her to tell me the concern until she was ready. (Praying under my breath she would soon).

The next day Shannon disclosed to me that her friend was being sexually abused by her stepfather. She was scared for her friend but also scared she might lose her friendship. I consoled her by telling her she was being a good friend by wanting to help her. “If you lose her friendship but get her out of the situation, could you live with that decision?” After a long talk, we agreed that we needed to go to the authorities to get her friend some help. I praised her for being brave and resilient during the process. It all ended well and we got help for Shannon’s friend. To this day, 15 years later, the girls remain friends.

But, what about the children who experience other crises at home or in school and have no parent to talk to? Who do they go to? More children today are latch-key kids that depend on social media for answers to difficult problems. Oftentimes our youth use social networks for advice and acceptance, only to find rejection, criticism, debate, and shame. Not to mention, bad advice. When the blind are leading the blind and the dysfunctional getting advice from the socially impaired we could only expect an increase in the feelings of despair. Without the support of a Parent or Adult Mentor, the youth is left to his/her own demise which leads me to believe the reason for increased suicide among our youth.

Our kids are depending more on their peers for answers rather than a responsible adult regarding self-worth, self- acceptance, gun control, suicide, sex, pregnancy, the opposite sex, and so on and then sworn to secrecy.

Children seem to be afraid to have a conversation with their parents. Maybe the parents are unavailable? Working parents are often too busy or too tired to take the time with their kids to really hear what they may or may not be saying. Heck, I’ve been in a restaurant watching a table full of people all on cell phones, no one talking to each other. How sad is that?

Signs we should be more aware of in children can include poor sleeping habits because they are up all night worrying. An increase or decrease in eating habits, a refusal to go to school to avoid a situation, isolating in their rooms or any unusual emotional outbursts, (i.e. anger, tears, etc.), are all signals that something is going on. If a parent doesn’t have time to deal with their child, then I would encourage them to make sure their child has someone they can safely go to without judgment or confrontation. Whether it be a grandparent, a school counselor, a caregiver or another adult mentor that you can trust.

Our youth today are not taught unconditional love, but instead find love in all the wrong places as did their parents, most likely. Each generation of dysfunction creates another generation of the same. Kids are having kids. Not just one, but several. Teen-age pregnancy seems to have increased as well as the need for abortion. Youth are unable to care for their children because they are uneducated about life and become easily frustrated as new parents. I seem to read more about babies being killed by their young parent/s or the baby is discarded in a dumpster.

With so much new technology these days you would think life would be easier but on the contrary. Youth seem to be struggling more today than I did 60 years ago. I was lucky enough to have a Grandmother who influenced me with some morals and some life skills that came with experience. Because I had to work at an early age, my work ethic is much greater than I see in today’s youth. Many have a hard time keeping a job and not motivated to better themselves. I can’t speak for all youth obviously but please realize my profession causes me to see the darker side of our youth more than the blessed and adaptive.

The trauma’s in one’s life can make us stronger or weaker depending on the personality and drive within an individual. After a school shooting in Florida this year, many young adults stood up and rallied against guns such as David Hogg age 17. My grandmother taught me to cope and move on. “Don’t let the damage done, ruin your whole life.” Even though we were never to air our dirty laundry, I knew what she meant about over-coming my past. It wasn’t easy but I did overcome through therapy and now I am passionate about helping others do the same. Our youth need to be empowered and educated about life as well as how to cope with a bad situation. We are sending them out into a war zone without any skill or ammunition.

But, who will they turn to for such guidance? How can we help? Where can they go for help and support if they can’t ask their parents? Where can they vent and be encouraged without feeling shame? It’s not like they can get free therapy. I had a Grandmother I knew would listen and love me unconditionally no matter what I shared.

Who will your child go to for advice?

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