COVID-19 is not an opportunity for you to take stock of your relationships.
*This is an article about how we are communicating during COVID-19 and cannot adequately address all of the struggles people are going through on a daily basis.
I am starting to get a nagging feeling as we approach the last couple of weeks of April. We have been social distancing and isolating now for roughly a month in my area and it’s still not clear when this will end. Although it seems like in a lot of ways we are coming together as a society while being apart there are some who seem to see this as a time to keep score on the people in their lives. I am repeatedly seeing memes, tweets, and Facebook statuses about how after this is over you will find out who your “real friends” are based on who has reached out and I’ve gotta say: THAT IS REALLY JUST THE WORST.
←Source: Instagram, @pubity. Who at least has a nice caption below.
Let’s think about this for a second: we are in the middle of a global pandemic. COVID-19 is going to affect all of our lives whether it is direct (e.g., individuals diagnosed with the virus, healthcare providers, family members of those with COVID, etc.) or indirect (people who have lost their jobs, are working from home, suddenly teaching their children, without internet, adequate transportation, etc.) it is likely going to have a substantial impact on our mental health AND social distancing by definition can make socializing exceptionally difficult.
Understand that a lot of people are now communicating via FaceTime or Zoom and that this can be challenging for a lot of people even in the best of times. For example, I personally will never be the person to initiate a FaceTime call and though I’m getting used to it now, in general, I really struggle without body language — especially eye contact. I like to be fully engaged with the person I’m talking to and quite frankly I find it mentally exhausting to try and follow a gaze that could be looking at another screen altogether. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love, care about, and miss my friends, family, and coworkers.
Source: @erinannflood ’s screenshots. My friends making it “virtually” impossible for me to follow their gaze LOL
If you are lucky enough to be working from home, you are likely using computer technology for literally everything all.day.long. I can’t swivel around in my chair and ask my coworkers a question anymore. It is all through text, email, phone, or webcam now. So, when I don’t text you to see how you are at the end of the day it’s because I had to put my phone and computer away, not because I’m not thinking of you. Rather, because deciphering meaning, context, and tone of text-based messages can send brains and anxiety into overdrive.
Recognize that no matter how COVID-19 is affecting you — we are in the middle of something that has changed the way we navigate our relationships and for many people, this is not ideal. So please, next time you find yourself thinking begrudgingly about someone for not reaching out to you, for goodness sake, just reach out to them. They will answer eventually and even if they don’t I’m sure your message will still bring a smile to their face. We cannot know someone else’s perspective or experience, but we can at least try to understand that we’re all carrying different loads right now.
