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No . Oh no ! This is not the greatest suicide letter ever written..

You must try again and if the next one is not sublimely enlightening , meaningful, confounding and intricately painful or the polar opposite ; devoid of pain enough…if it does not make me sit back in sheer awe at the brilliance of your argument for your decision , leaving me clapping for your strength and vision and completely unable to argue with your decision , then it s not the greatest suicide note ever written. I consider myself an unofficial expert due to my many failed attempts {sigh *) from the age of 13 to 50 in large part due to my battle with depression and cyclothymia with an (dis)honorable mention to the numerous assh%les I’ve encountered in my 57 years (again…sigh*) also with ..well…my battle with life. As one who has (not so) finely crafted many a scrawled sloppy suicide note on scraps of pharmacy bags and tissue boxes written in a blurry feverish hurry as I tried to beat the pills to the punch , I feel that I am qualified to tell you that your note pretty much sucked.

Exhibit A: You left no solace for those who love you, no letting them off the hook , no assuaging the tremendous guilt they will carry forever or helping them through the anguish of seeing you dead in a coffin, which will be with them and cause them untold amounts of tears and suffering until their dying day . You said nothing to get them through every holiday, birthday and life event that they WANT you there for. You left no reasons that any reasonable friend, parent or sibling could possibly understand and accept that warrants , in their eyes , you depriving them of the continued existence of someone they deeply cherish in their lives and whom NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE — EVER , YOU.

I could go on as to why this is definitely NOT the best suicide letter ever written but perhaps these points will suffice to bring about a better second shot at it. I’m sorry to deny you the ease of mind to slip away feeling confident your morsels of truth will be uncovered somehow by someone., but no — no you haven’t left any thunderous revelations as to why you think you are doing this FOR God. In what way are you pleasing or helping Him ? You will be causing a great deal of pain to many, many more people than you can even imagine. All of our lives are intertwined with so many other lives. What makes you feel you get the right to willingly decide what it is probably not meant for us human beings to decide, in most cases ? ( meaning that I think severe unrelenting untreatable pain is one reason He may understand , but who knows for sure ?) I’ve read about the Donner Party in the old West U.S. and a bunch of people stranded by huge snowstorms in the mountains , struggling to survive for months with nothing to eat …and you know what some of them resorted to in order to stay alive. When a human being has lost their natural, inborn tenacious instinct to live against whatever odds they face, then maybe it is time to acknowledge something is going wrong within out body/brain chemistry or something and maybe feeling that way is a big CLUE , a FLAG saying to seek help from someone, anyone who cares about us. Go talk to someone, in person, give them a hug and let some of your oxytocin be released .

( https//www.huffingtonpost.com2014/03/27/health-benefits-of-huggin_n_5008616 html ) .

Isolation is depression’s best friend because too much of it actually causes changes in us on a physical ,thus psychological, level too. The more you stay alone, the more reluctant you can/will get about going out or being around others, whether they are new or old acquaintances.. This is due to a survival instinct from human’s early history during a time period (with huge animals roaming about not to mention the different clans and probable enemies) when to be caught alone was dangerous to your survival . Back then, in order to keep alive people became hypervigilant, had trouble sleeping, anxiety set in , and you can imagine they felt like they just wanted to hide, basically . Add those things to isolation and it is a pretty good recipe for depression. Nowadays we humans react the same way , still, to too much isolation, even though for the most part we are not in dire risk of being killed by a mastodon all day every day , many live in that heightened state of awareness and fear. It is fixable , though , and can be addressed through forcing one’s self to begin to get out and be around people once again. Start with small doses and expand as you are able to but you CAN fix this problem yourself. You have to shut the trigger off, so to speak.

(For anyone dull of mind enough to think I was being crappy or in any way trying to encourage suicide in the beginning there, think again, and re-read my message here.)

I always woke up to major regret trying to kill myself, hurting the ones who loved me and causing myself to look weak and nutty, with huge hospitable bills afterwards that really gave me a reason to be depressed ,ironic, huh ? I finally got treated with an antidepressant and finally found one that worked to keep me more level, stable and stop my racing mind somewhat, making life much more do-able for me for decades now. I truly encourage anyone to seek help, seek an answer if you are that depressed because it is possible to find relief and enjoy life .

I myself , right now ,daily am grieving four young people I loved and recently lost to suicide. Four exciting, unique, caring, sweet people who were so young ….they had no idea how many wonderful things life had in store for them if they could only have retrained their racing minds to be able to relax sometimes or find a way to beat their depression .I mourn these people almost daily and I’m not sure they even realized how much I loved them.I wish they’d learned what it took me a long time to learn : at those times your brain is lying to you . True depression ( and I am not talking about normal grief, by the way) sucks the joy out of you and your life until you can not feel joy even when you know you should be feeling it. It drills the untrue feelings and thoughts into your mind constantly that life is too hard, too painful, that it’s impossible to fix or even address your real problems because it tells you there are no solutions, it tells you that you are alone no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary that people love you and need you and only you to stay alive with them and for them too . Real depression is a dysfunction happening in the brain that lies to you and tells you that your life is not worth living . There are many different, unrelated causes and reasons it can happen and you may need to do some investigation and research to try to zero in on what has precipitated or caused yours . Grieving — the normal severe grief of terrible losses or traumatic events can turn morph into a true depressed state for some and they get stuck in mourning or Post Traumatic Stress and have an especially tough time healing enough even after long periods of time. These people need your time , love, patience, hugs, understanding and encouragement to go on each day and to seek healing help in groups or therapy or some kind of help that suits them , so that they can progress to one day to carry their loss and yet still be able to feel joy. If you are suffering or you know of someone who is suffering , you may want to pull in some allies in your seeking an answer for encouragement , assistance and to check in on you ,or them. Trust me , they’d rather do anything to help you get through this than have to ever lose you. Chances are they’ve gone through the same problems whether you know it or not. Ask questions of family members and reach out to them.. there is help.

Seek help if and when you realize this has happened or is happening to you. There are many, many physical causes for depression and a lack of vitamin d-3 is one because our present day society in general stays indoors too much, not getting enough sunlight every day and that is what our bodies require to make d-3. Without d-3 you can’t use calcium properly, leading to more problems such as osteoporosis in the elderly or hypocalcemia (low calcium levels). There have been many studies that show that the American diet is sadly lacking in Omega 3 fatty acids, found in fish and walnuts etc. This one thing helped me immensely. The thing is although most Americans eat a lot ,we eat too much food that is devoid of real nutrition for our bodies.Whether it is due to canned goods being overly cooked, processed, filled with preservatives and then we cook them some more or because of too much fast food, junk foods, sugary foods and drinks like energy drinks and soft drinks , fries and pizzas. I need to work on my eating habits a lot more , I know .We all should look at what we eat if our health is not optimal in any way, reviewing what we are eating , the quality , freshness and amounts and making sure we drink some water every day will help our health , physically and thus anything that helps our bodies to feel and function better can and will help us to psychologically feel better.

Hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can bring about the slow onset of a myriad of symptoms with depression often accompanying hypothyroidism . Twenty-seven years ago I was diagnosed with it after suffering 2 years of thinking I was losing my mind and my will to live, with physical symptoms staring the doctors in their faces, still no one caught it until I did. I finally saw that my thyroid had grown huge . I had a goiter that went undiagnosed with my hair brittle and thinning, severe constipation, suddenly very dry cracking skin, unusual weight gain despite exercise and dieting, and terrible mind numbing exhaustion and fatigue at 30 years old, after the birth of my fourth child. While my thyroid levels were so low, no medicine was being properly processed by my slowed down body functions. Getting my TSH ( thyroid stimulating hormone) levels back into the correct levels made a world of difference in my entire health in all ways.

Some medicines can trigger depression in some individuals, so if depression’s onset occurred at the same time you started taking a new medicine (or even after you began using an illegal drug) try to find out if it may be the trigger or cause of your persistent low moods.. Seek help with a doctor and have a ready list of all the things you are noticing about yourself to aid in diagnosis. If you are too depressed to even handle doing this yourself, tell someone you love that you need help and can not, at that time, handle it yourself . Don’t give up the fight and use a permanent solution to solve what is likely a temporary depressed state, illness or heartbreak . . “Never give up. Never surrender !!”

Please fight on for your loved ones sakes, they need you no matter how much depression may tell you otherwise .

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