No one understands me!

Many of us use this phrase, most of us when we are feeling desperate after a hard conversation in which we feel misunderstood. What might be a surprise, is that we are absolutely right.

How much time do we invest in trying to understand others? How much in trying to be understood by others? What would happen if you learn that that time is wasted? That truly no one can understand you! And you can not understand anyone!

For me, this is a myth with one of the worst impacts for how we relate with others. We invest a lot of time and effort in something that is virtually impossible. We end up feeling frustrated, upset and maybe in many cases, even depressed, unproductive and with this incapacity to work as a team.

My black box / Your black box

We’ve talked in this blog about how our brain is an autopoietic system, which means is operationally closed and structurally connected. Let me explain this metaphorically.

Imagine you have a processor in a box and no one has access to it. This processor is potent like no other and only receives data. It has some pre-charged software that develop themselves according its experiences, interprets and build images of what is happening outside, from those data.

The data it receives it comes from other boxes that function similarly.

Even when there’s no way to prove it, it seems each box has a different pre-charged software, becasue each software is unique, so are the experiences and images created.

Then, a data sent by one black box has close to zero chances of being decoded identically by another black box.

If we say that “understanding each other” is like the chance of two black boxes processing the data in the exactly same way, then the chance is 0%.

Then we are quite incapable of understanding each other. Each one of us, process their experiences in a unique way.

What chances do we have then?

  • We can stop spending time in attempting the impossible, and invest it in something real.
  • We can stop wasting time in trying to understand each other, and start to invest it in a common effort of building together.

What would happen in a company if instead of understanding each other we worked towards building together? If instead of wasting my time in trying to make you think like I do, we build together and use our differences to achieve it?

You don’t know how to do this? Is very simple! We look together towards the future and build a common image of what we want, we give our differences a place and integrate them to the picture.

Is sounds complex? Is easier than it seems. If you want to learn how to do this, please visit