Day 13 : How The Disney Princesses Should Have Dealt With Their Baes
Let me say what we’ve all been thinking. None of those princes/peasants deserved the Disney princesses they ended up with. In a dream world, our favourite intelligent beauties would have gone their own way. Here’s how I imagine it.
- Aurora — Kept sleeping. The kiss was a bit of a long shot, anyway. If she’d kept fake snoring that guy who have ridden off into the sunset.
- Jasmine — Tiger attack. Pretty straight forward. What’s the point of having a wild animal if you don’t use it to scare away suitors.
- Tiana — In a modern twist, she set up the restaurant by herself and decided that a relationship would be too distracting. She needed to focus on her career.
- Ariel — Excluding the great idea of just staying in the ocean she still had some options. Lure his boat to the rocks with her siren-esque voice, get Sebastian to crab-pinch him, or just swim away.
- Snow White — Can you say, poison apple? She only took one bite before her coma so the rest should have still been usable.
- Cinderella — Turned him into a pumpkin with another Fairy Godmother wish. This time made it last longer than midnight.
- Mulan — Easiest of them all, because she literally had a sword.
- Pocahontas — Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Really, John? You should get a closer look. Go on. Closer. BAM! Wolf attack.
- Belle — Sadly, wishing that the Beast and Gaston had finished each other off don’t make it so. But she deserved freedom from her man, more than any of the other princesses. One call to the police with details of her imprisonment would have done the trick.
- Rapunzel — Personally, I loved the frying pan trick. Well, not so much a trick as a straight-forward smack in the face. Hope she kept that thing around for any time Finn bothered her with his “smoulder”.
- Merida /Moana— Don’t really count because, shockingly, their stories didn’t revolve around a male life partner. But if they had, we all know the answer. Bow and arrows for Merida, casual tidal wave for Moana.