An Ode to my Failed Goals

KT Dunlap
KT Dunlap
Aug 24, 2017 · 5 min read

As I continue to age in the world of internet, I feel like every flick of my finger proceeds down a long Facebook feed including blogs written by my peers. These day-to-day novels share fashion advice, recipes of healthy foods, and a vast array of foreign vacations or mountains hikes that needed to be spread throughout the web. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve read them all. And most of the time I leave those sites wondering if my presence on the internet will ever be more than a search history of bears doing funny things at the zoo or the domino’s pizza tracker telling me Steve just put my cheese sticks in the oven.

As of my 21 years, I am nothing more than the account holder of a semi-relevant Instagram for my dog, Kevin. Possibly my greatest achievement has been owning this animal because my noteworthiness on campus has skyrocketed. I am no longer the girl with the resting-b*tch face on the back row of your classroom, but instead the mother and provider of the local celebrity dog. I’ve peaked.

I, KT Dunlap, am the definition of washed up promises. Ever heard of the ‘read a book every week for one year’ challenge? Yeah, tried that. I have a stack of books sitting on my shelf that I promptly ordered from my student Amazon Prime account, only to be placed on my bookshelf to collect dust and Kevin’s hair. Saw all of your friends doing those effective BBG Kayla workouts?? I’ve had those workouts on a PDF in my inbox for 2 years and 8 months as of the sent date on the bottom of that bad boy. I’VE NEVER DONE ONE. And let me tell you about that Gold’s Gym membership I started last January. I’ve gone twice. My mom surprised me with the membership when I moved to Waco simply because I’ve made it my mission to boycott the student rec center, but that’s a story for another time.

But to get back to my purpose here… This is not my attempt at a fitness blog, nor is it an encouraging community in which you as the reader are going to feel empowered and inspired to get up and change your life. Ney, it is simply a place for me to provide some humor to those that love a good story of failure. This will be your chance at reading about someone who crashes and burns through life. Did your new year’s resolution pathetically end by January 4th, too? I’m here to give you the reassurance that you aren’t the only human who takes cheat years on their goals.

By now you have probably observed about me is I WILL NEVER COMMIT. I don’t stray from trends because I’m hip, an individual, or different from those around me. It’s because at the end of the day, I’m sitting in my bed with my dog, binge-watching Netflix, and shirking all responsibilities. I came up with the title for the blog For Those That Won’t simply because I am and always have been the one that wouldn’t. Maybe it is my pride or my chronic lack of effort that keeps me from doing these kinds of things, but now I am going to do all of the things that I normally wouldn’t be caught dead trying. 10% of me is doing it and recording it because I feel like I have something to prove to myself, but the other 90% is doing it purely for the comedic relief it will hopefully provide you. My failures will be your entertainment.

The first challenge I am going to attempt came to mind 5 days ago. After I went to Chick-fil-a five time in one week, my boyfriend decided to step in and voice his concerns. We were going to pick up some dinner like we do every night because I am a progressive woman that refuses to cook dinner for herself. He attempted to casually bring up the fact that my health was at risk and wanted to see me live past 35. I had no idea there was a nonchalant way of telling your girlfriend that Type II Diabetes was a real thing until I sat listening to Kyle in the drive-thru lane of Panera. Apparently, a lifestyle of chicken nuggets, diet coke, and HEB wine doesn’t supply the nutritional value that is essential for life here on Earth.

While I refuse to believe my consumption habits need to be revamped, we have been blowing a ton of money eating out and my bank account is weeping for a change in spending. He suggested we try to go one day without eating out. Yes, you read that right, ONE DAY. We are realistic people and that goal seemed manageable. But I am a social creature and I was born to spread my wings and go to every coffee date, brunch, and birthday dinner that I am invited to. The next night, Kyle checked in to make sure I stuck to the promise. I completely forgot about our goal. I had gone out to breakfast that morning with my roommates and was currently sitting at Chuy’s ordering a margarita when I got his text. I FAILED. Our goal was ONE DAY LONG and I FAILED.

The extremely competitive part of me knew that if I wanted to get better at not eating out, I was going to have to do something pretty drastic. I had a ton of friends that have done the Whole30 and I felt like it was the most drastic thing I could try. I had heard about how strict it was, how difficult it was to eat out at restaurants while on it, and knew that would be my new goal. Some of you are probably thinking, ‘She can’t even go a day without eating out, how is she expecting to do one of the hardest diets on the web?’ And to that I say, sit back, relax, and enjoy how miserable I am for the next month because ya girl will be telling you.

So here it is, my dedication for all of those out there like me. Today I am starting the Whole30. You won’t find inspirational posts about how my life is changing in more ways than one or recipes that I really loved that you can try at home. Instead, I just ask that you please come back daily to hear about the times that I weep for nuggets while eating kale.

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