DRUNK AT THE WHEEL

It will be painful. And one day he will look at me and I’m going to be just another girl that he will tell another girl about. One day in the future, when he loves someone and he gives her his heart, he will tell her about me. He will tell her about the time he ruined girls for years and called it quits. And then met a girl who hated his lines, but he wanted to know her. Parts and pieces of me will be left out but she will get the bulk.

We were just friends. We talked too much. I showed him my heart and he showed me his. Altogether it was reckless and ruthless. But we relished in each other’s burdens. He will tell her how he never meant to let it trail so far, that it just happened. Like drifting off to sleep, slowly, and then gone without remembrance that there was anything of existence before . Only to wake up and realize we had been asleep at the wheel for months. Buzzed on the feeling we got from each other’s presence. It was a sick lie to our hearts, our minds, we tormented ourselves daily. Looking back, we tempted possibilities; tiptoeing around commitment with glances and teasing with fingertips that grazed hair and hands.

What is this, you ask? Shut up. Stop. Why can’t everyone just leave it alone? Yes, we are just friends. It’s been eating away at me, numbing my insides that others can see what has so clearly been plaguing the corners of my mind. I’d consider it if I could but my heart wouldn’t bear it. One moment there’s sweet lights and you’re singing to me the songs that haunt your past. Yep, I think I just gave in.

But my heart needs protection from the sting of the truth that hits like oncoming traffic. I’ll drop a sarcastic remark here, moment’s over. Shut it out, this isn’t real. I’m glad we didn’t almost just fall right there. I’m glad we remembered that lie that is rehearsed so well in my mind I could say it backwards while I walked the line with the lights in my eyes.

Say her name one more time. It will take the haziness from my mind, all thoughts that this could ever work were clouding my judgment and I forgot that you were exactly what I knew you to be. We should cut each other deeper with these futile fantasies that drift through our minds. I tell you to go for her because if I reveal my own feelings, you might actually see through me for once. You may see through my sarcasm and pain, that I felt invisible to everyone but you.

So when you tell her, you can keep my part short. My memory just a faded blur like the center line. I beg that when they ask for your record, I wasn’t just another ticket to pay and return.