Me and my conversion away from Christianity

Growing up, you have been told you must attend church every Sunday no matter what. You may had to wear a frilly dress or a suit to church. I know I had to wear a dress.

For me, I had to wear a frilly dress. It took me years to convince my father to let me wear jeans to church.

When I was little I never complained. I was taught to respect your parents and do what they say. What I didn’t know was that the religion my parents were fond of, Christianity, would change my view of my family.

Before I go one with this story, I want to let you, the reader, know that I am not shaming any religion. This is something that happened to me and these are my views. You may agree or disagree but please know that I am not shaming Christianity or any other religion.

So….where should I start? Well I am from the Midwest, Indiana to be precise, and I grew up in a conservative Christian family. So me being a Independent, when it came to politics, and Progressive….you do the math.

My family wasn’t always like this. I mean I had a grandma who was always on a bible bandwagon. One day she would be Baptist and the next a Presbyterian. I remember the fond days of her playing bible cassette tapes in her car when she drove.

My household family was the type of family that worked hard and worked together to get things done….until they too got onto the bible bandwagon.

At first I was all for learning about Jesus and how Noah built an ark. As a child you are naïve to the influences this has. While we are taught to pray everyday and give thanks…in the back of my mind I started questioning all of this.

As the years went by, I noticed my family’s attitudes change and become a family I no longer recognized. Now some of you may think, well that’s a good thing, they found the path that leads them to god. No it did not. It changed my family to the worst.

Why you may ask. Well two things happened. 9/11 happened when I was in intermediate school and the raise of uncertainties. 9/11 changed America period the end forever. I remember my parents faces and their utter horror. Maybe that put the fear of dying in them or something because after that, it was church every single Sunday no matter what. Even if you were sick I was made to go to church.

The uncertainties part is also the whole economic upheaval. Though during that time, I was trying to survive school and get on with my life. Adult life was too much for me to understand.

Though seeing them change scared me because the next step in my life was be a fight for survival, but that is another story entirely for a different time.

As my family changed, I was left behind. I stayed the same as they went forward on their so called new life at the hand of god.

It was hard living in a separate world than theirs. Anytime I had a problem or something all they would say is pray about it and god would answer and help. Well that never worked. I would pray so much and every time I did, my situation never changed. I could not comprehend the reason of no change after praying.

Now some of you might think that I was impatient or god was testing me by giving me an obstacle. To me though, at a young age I started to think I was condemned and that I would go to hell because god hated me.

This was not the only reason why I converted to another religion, but one of the main reasons. The other reason was because of the change I saw my family go through. How they became single-minded and intolerant. I know not every Christian is like that but to see one’s own family members become that, it was truly horrifying.

There was a time when I tried to fit into their new life style and it just did not work at all. It was then I decided to find my own path in life, with or without religion. On my so called path, I found guidance in Buddhism and it has helped me tremendously.

As I continue living each day at a time, I always ask myself if I regret converting away and every time I answer it is the same.

No.

While most of my family knows nothing of my conversion, I one day wish to share it with out fear of rejection. But until that time comes, I shall live my life in my own way and not in a way that causes me misery.

So I live my life each day, secretly keeping my distance away from Christianity, while practicing the one thing this world can not do. Tolerance.

I have to practice it everyday with practicing Kindness and compassion.

The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, once said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

If I could give anyone any advice when converting, never be scared or think you made the wrong choice. Don’t let anyone also think that you will go to hell or be eternally damned.

Live your life the why you want it. Follow your own path.