Feedback series part 3: Giving feedback
Welcome back to the Feedback series! In the previous posts, we’ve looked at asking for 360 feedback, and building a habit of asking for feedback from your colleagues early and often. In this post, we’ll dive into the other end of the spectrum: giving feedback!
Giving feedback is essential, but it’s not necessarily easy. Something to remember when giving feedback is that you’re not primarily doing it for your own sake; but rather with the other person’s best in mind. I’ll try to give you some pointers that will hopefully make it easier for you to formulate your feedback and be able to deliver it well.
In general, feedback that comes from a place of care and good intentions, has better chances of being well received. If I’m on the receiving end and I feel that the person who gives me feedback, does so because they truly want to see me learn and grow, I’m more likely to listen to what they have to say. It can sometimes be helpful to describe your intention when you’re giving someone feedback, especially if your feedback is constructive and you suspect that it will be a tough pill to swallow.
An important thing is timing; instead of just delivering your feedback to someone, first make sure that they’re willing to receive it. Make a habit to check in with the person whether now is a good time for them to get some feedback. It’s impossible to know what goes on for someone else, and we want to maximize the chances of the other person being open to feedback. Maybe they are occupied with something else, and it would be better for them to listen to your feedback in a while.
Another aspect of timing is of course to give the feedback as soon as possible (as a general rule). Don’t hold on to feedback too long; it’s better to offer it to the other person early. Even if it might feel too soon, or that maybe it’s just one event and not a pattern, it’s usually better to not wait. Some things tend to grow over time, and it would just have been easier to address the situation early on. Think of if you were on the receiving end; wouldn’t you want to get that feedback as early as possible, so you could change that behavior (given that you agree on the feedback)? I know I definitely would.
And it’s worth remembering that you can only offer someone your feedback and point of view, and then it’s up to them to decide what to do with that. Maybe they agree, maybe they don’t. Maybe they are willing to act on it, maybe they aren’t. There’s really nothing you can do about that. The only thing you can influence is how you give the feedback.
How to frame the feedback
First of all, keep things simple and clear. As Brené Brown says clear is kind, unclear is unkind. The more clarity you can add to your message, the better. This is true for all kinds of feedback, positive or constructive. So if you’re delivering constructive feedback to someone, and you believe this is going to be hard for them to hear, focus on being clear and concise. It’s tempting to add comforting “padding” around the feedback, but it’s usually not helpful because it tends to blur the message and make the feedback unclear. Again, clear is kind, unclear is unkind. That said, there are still many ways for you to deliver the feedback in a kind way. Make sure you put effort into that!
The following format for formulating feedback is a pretty well known. It’s a really good start to help you deliver clear feedback with as little blur as possible. It focuses on your observation of a behavior, and the impact from that behavior and it helps you stay away from generalizing statements such as “you’re always…” or “you never do…” Lara Hogan has written a blog post where she describes this in detail, it’s a recommended read!
So let’s look at the format in detail. Here’s how I go about giving someone feedback. I usually prepare a bit in advance, and the level of preparation depends on the feedback I want to give. Sometimes I just think through what I want to say, and how; sometimes when the situation demands it, I prepare thoroughly and often even write down my feedback.
Willing to receive?
First off, check with the other person if they are in the mood for some feedback. Create an opening to discuss your feedback. Sometimes it’s enough to just ask them whether now is a good time. Be mindful of where and when you ask; a neutral place is often recommended, and assume you’ll get a yes, so make sure you actually do have the time to give the feedback. This is not the time and place for cliffhangers.
I usually go with something along the lines of “I have some feedback for you, is now a good time?”
I remind myself that I’m offering feedback, I’m not loading it off on them. If they don’t want to receive it, well… then they don’t.
Describe the behavior or situation
The next thing you want to do is to describe the behavior or situation without judgement. Stay neutral and describe what you’ve seen or heard. Be as detailed as you can, rather than general. It’s usually very helpful if you can provide clear examples. Again, focus on what is observable, not your personal interpretation.
Describe the impact
Next, you want to state the impact on the working relationship, the situation or the work at hand. Try to describe the effect of the person’s behavior or actions. Usually, I go to myself here and I try to describe the impact the behavior had on me.
It’s often good advice to think about the impact in terms of something you believe that the person cares about, something they value. If you notice their behavior impacts something they are passionate about, they’re more likely to listen to your feedback.
Request a change
The last piece is to make a request or offer an alternative solution. Think in terms of how you would like it to be, and ask for that. Maybe that does not work out for the other person, and that’s a good opportunity to look for alternatives that work for both of you.
Praise vs feedback
Praise is always nice to get, but it might not always be as helpful as well formulated feedback, something these two examples try to demonstrate:
“Hey, good job at stand up today!”
vs
“Hey, I really appreciate the level of detail you provide on your tasks at standup, it makes it so easy for the rest of us to follow the progress and know when to offer help!”
The format I’ve described works for both the quick/shorter type of feedback that you may want to give to someone in the moment, as well as the more thorough, thought through feedback that you’d give to someone to help them on their personal development journey, for example if they ask you for 360 feedback. In the 360 case, the willingness to receive feedback is implied, so you typically don’t have to double check that. A nice thing to add to that type of feedback response is offering the opportunity to talk through the feedback with you if they want to. Surprisingly few people say yes to that offer, more on that in the next post.
In summary; when you give someone feedback — focus on being clear, concrete and considerate.
What’s your best advice when giving feedback? Please let me know!
