Shout Outs

One year ago today, on the night of my 25th birthday, I sat in the old red recliner in my PA apartment, and, choking through a waterfall of tears, asked my husband for a trial separation. Less than a month later, we filed.

During and after my decision, my life unraveled. I fell into a deep, real depression. I contemplated suicide multiple times.

The people listed below saved my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. They deserve much more than these small “shout outs,” but the written word is all I have right now. The written word and my gratitude.

In no particular order, a big thank you to:

JM, who listened to my story, empathized, sympathized, and rejoiced when my decision was obviously the right one.

JDG, who understood all too well the situation I was in, and reminded me that I am enough.

KH, the absolute opposite of a fair-weather friend, who saw me through the storm and all of its ramifications until we could laugh about it together.

EC, whose unintentional, but very much appreciated, music therapy sessions both distracted me and reminded me of the things I truly love.

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VC, for being so freaking adorable I can’t even stand it, and for unknowingly proving that, even if I couldn’t be a wife, I still needed to be a mother.

RH, for introducing me to an outlet through which I could funnel my emotions safely and share them with others who may be going through similar struggles.

AC, who became a new friend who accepted me as I was, and opened up to me after a very short while, leading me to feel trustworthy again.

TZ and BB, who dealt with all of my quite unprofessional emotional breakdowns and were so kind, understanding, and patient.

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GW, my first of four therapists, who listened to my senseless ramblings and made sense of them.

(A different) EC, who believed my cries for help and dug me out of my hole.

MD, a kindred spirit, who, consciously or not, taught me invaluable life lessons while simultaneously bringing laughter, joy, understanding, and trust back into my life.

ALK, who listened to me without judgment and gave kind advice that prevented me from making more mistakes.

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AW, who never pushed the subject, but listened when I brought it up, and was always on my side.

DR, who treated me no differently, which made me feel normal.

SW, my confidante, who was always there with a hug or a “Oh no he did-nt!”, who knew when to speak her mind and when to hold back, but never claimed to fully understand my situation.

MW, the epitome of tough love, without whom I would likely still be trapped in a life I tolerated out of duty.

LW, who always just wants me to be happy, even if she doesn’t understand how or why something accomplishes that goal.

My 27th year will be better because of all of you. Onward and upward!

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