I’m Sorry*
I owe you an apology.
We’ve known each other for a while now, and I’ve been more cruel than I’ve been kind.
I’m closer to you than any other sack of bones on this planet — in fact, I can confidently say that I know every single thing about you. I know your deepest hopes, your fears, your dreams, your fondest memories, your aspirations, and instead of being encouraging…
I’ve been quite the opposite.
I’m sorry for making you cry.
I’m sorry for squeezing your blistering feet into high heels.
I’m also sorry about the sticky bras.. the strapless dresses..
I’m sorry for forcing you to dwell on every past romance, ultimately deciding that you are unworthy of love.
I’m sorry for convincing you that a boy would care about you, only if you slept with him.
I’m sorry for covering the bruises on your skin, convincing you that ‘it’s normal.’
I’m sorry for telling you that you deserve to be treated like shit.
I’m sorry for not letting you stand up for yourself when you were wronged.
I’m sorry for forcing you to drink until you throw up.
I’m sorry that I let you kiss that oh-so-promising guy who said he’d ‘call you’ but actually never, ever would.
I’m sorry that I let you compare yourself to every girl you pass by on campus.
I’m sorry that I let you skip meals.
I’m sorry for letting you pretend to be happy every day while you were slowly dying inside.
But most of all, I’m sorry that I ignored everything that makes you so irreplaceable.
I’m sorry that I hardly tell you how beautiful you are.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love your colorful and somewhat outrageous clothes, overly embellished vocabulary, and messy hair.
I must have forgotten to tell you that I like your long eyelashes, outdated jokes that have the power to make even the most cranky people laugh, and your infectiously kind heart.
You are a warrior, a survivor, a flame shining bright among moths.
Never forget that.
*This has been a letter from me, to myself.
You owe yourself an apology, too. Never forget that.