I call my mom everyday now
Having a mom with cancer changes the way that you live your life. When you hear your mom talk about her diagnoses, you might not react the way that you would think you would in the face of such a shock. You might think that your reaction would be complete shock and devastation, but maybe you will feel irritation instead when you hear the news. When you are sitting on your dorm bed freshman year of college and hear your parents tell you news that alters your inner being for the rest of your life, you might be shocked when you feel more anger that anything.
Maybe you will feel angry that something as tragic as cancer has struck someone in your own life, a person who probably ‘doesn’t deserve it’. But you should know that bad things do actually happen to people who don’t deserve it and if it happens to someone in your life, dwelling on the thought of them not deserving it really only makes you sink deeper into a hole.
Maybe in the following months you will drop out of school, but you shouldn’t worry. You have to face grief and the crippling anxiety that has become your constant companion. If facing your grief is too much, it is okay if you have to drop out of school for a little bit, you will be back the next semester, don’t you worry. You just need a little time to process that your life is slowly crumbling.
You may also feel guilt that your little sibling is home with your mom while your gone at school. It isn’t your fault though, you have to remind yourself that you are not doing anything wrong. You can be strong for your mom over the phone.
You may feel scared and anxious, you may get on medication to cope, or maybe drugs. But you will be okay because life moves on and your mom wouldn’t want you to watch your life away stoned on the couch because you can’t handle the thought of picking up the phone one day to call someone who is no longer there.
But you have to remember to not look too far in the future and think about things that haven’t come yet, you have to remember to go outside and connect with the energy in nature, and you have to remember to call your mom while you still can.
