Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number…

Hello Fellow GoT Enthusiasts! Your favorite semi-regular blog contributor is back!

DISCLAIMER: I also didn’t read the books and know much less about the historical context of this world than Samit, so forgive me if I get things wrong.

First off, thanks to Samit for legitimizing our GoT recaps by posting them on Medium. Wow, this is so much more stressful now that we’re on the internet. Second, due respect to Andy Greenwald and the rest of the Bill Simmons crew but I prefer to write my thoughts and reactions free from their influence. My goal is to have my reactions posted by Wednesday to fill your mid-week GoT void and hopefully add to the myriad things you had already been pondering, after which I will watch “After the Thrones” and probably be embarrassed by how much I don’t know.

Season premieres are historically lackluster. The function of a season premiere is to set the stage and maybe offer some resolution to one of the ~872 cliffhangers from the previous season. I thought the S6 premiere was a solid A- among season premier episodes and a B among regular episodes. Let’s get right into it!

Castle Black — Jon Snow, Ser Davos, Melisandre, Dolorous Edd, Alliser Thorne

• So Jon Snow is really dead. Like super dead. His body lay cold in the Snow (ha) long enough for him to look almost White Walker-esque before Ser Davos even discovered him. In my mind, this whole “Lord of Light Healing/Resurrection” trick had to have started immediately after death in order for it to work but apparently I was wrong because he’s like super dead. As much as I wanted to see Jon come back to life right away, I appreciate the showrunners taking a little bit of time with this one. I think it would have felt a bit premature if he had been resurrected in E1. He can’t stay dead for much longer so I presume we’ll get some answers as to how he comes back in E2. Will he be himself though? Or will he be some zombie cyborg Franken-Snow creature? Here’s to hoping for the former and not the latter, although using the word “hope” in any sentence about GoT seems like a rookie mistake.
• Very interested to see how the loyal band of 4 total brothers are going to hold off the rest of the Night’s Watch long enough for Jon to come back to life. There were seriously only four people in that room.
• When Melisandre started to do that all too familiar glassy-eyed de-robing routine, these were my thoughts:

“Not this old trick again.”

“She’s obviously going to have sex with whoever is sitting in that chair (oh, it’s a mirror).”

“And…her chair/mirror baby is going to bring Jon Snow back to life! HUZZAH!”

Instead she was just really old. Not trying to detract from the importance of her being not-hot. It was a welcomed revelation. Amiright ladies?

• I agree with Samit — she is at her lowest. Her two favorite prophecy children, Stannis and Jon (Gendry is a distant memory now), have just been killed and both seem super dead but apparently there is no finality in death in the world of GoT so who really knows? Needless to say, The Red Woman is feeling a little Blue and decides her necklace just doesn’t fit the mood. BOOM, she’s actually a decrepit old hag. I’m sure the reflection of her true self gave her comfort in that moment of sorrow.
• After establishing her as a character with incredible powers, some of which we don’t even fully understand, showing her as a feeble old woman tucking herself into bed at night signified to me that she is at the end of the line. My prediction is that she will sacrifice herself to resurrect Jon Snow. She will somehow imbue his cold, super dead body with her few remaining years of life and everyone’s blue balls will turn their normal color again as her character is finally laid to rest. Or Ser Davos is going to find out about Shireen (from who though?) and fuck Melisandre’s shit up. After she resurrects Jon, of course. To be Shir-seen.

Winterfell — Ramsay, Roose, Sansa, Theon, Brienne, Pod

• Wait — remember when Theon was like, “[Sansa] is dead, I left her back there in the snow” and the Bolton Boys were like, “You’re lying dude. I can see her. She is sitting right behind you under that tree.” Yeah, me too.
• Thank you to both The Old Gods and The New that something not terrible happened to Sansa and Theon. Between Theon’s mutilation/Stockholm syndrome and Sansa becoming wife to the new He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I was feeling torture fatigue. Seeing her rescued by a female knight in shining armor was satisfying on so many levels. Not only were Sansa and Theon saved from the grim fate of being returned to RB (it is physically painful for me to type out his name so let’s call him RB), SGP actually got to fight someone, and Brienne finally found a Stark daughter who was willing to accept her protection. It was about damn time. Satisfaction seldom doth come in GoT so I’ll take it when I can. They will surely head north to find Jon but will he be alive when they get to Castle Black? And if yes, in what condition?
• The Boltons seem to think they need Sansa to keep the North united in a fight against a trained Southern Lannister army. I see no Southern Lannister army coming for them any time soon. The Lannisters have bigger snakes and sparrows to fry right now.

King’s Landing — Cersei, Jaime, Margaery, The High Sparrow

• Bow down to Lena Headey, acting goddess divine. Her portrayal of Queen C (bringing this one back from last year’s recaps) flawlessly continues from her epic Walk of Shame to the news of Myrcella’s death. She allows us to sympathize with a character we should by all accounts loathe. Well done. The fact that she attributes Myrcella’s death to a prophecy rather than casting blame on Jaime shows a real shift in her character. She is feeling powerless against what she believes are greater forces at work to destroy her family. Where she is lacking in anger and vengefulness, Jaime compensates 1000-fold, but I don’t have a ton of confidence in his skills of manipulation to see where/how he is going to take revenge on The Sand Snakes and The High Sparrow. Perhaps it will happen through FrankenMountain — by brute force. Jaime has sort of always been a pawn in Tywin or Cersei’s plans and I don’t picture him spearheading anything so I’m interested to see how this will play out.
• Earth to Queen C. I know you’re sad and all but you still have one kid alive! Can we talk about keeping it that way?
• Is anyone else bored by The Faith Militant/High Sparrow plot line? We need some movement there real quick.

Dorne — Prince Doran, Trystane Martell, Ellaria Sand, Obara Sand, Nymeria Sand, Tyene Sand, Areo Hotah

• I talked about this quite a bit last season, but from the beginning of this plot line the pacing has been all off. It peaked too soon with a showdown with The Sand Snakes coming almost immediately after Jaime and Bronn arrived in Dorne. Then it plateaued and the showrunners shamelessly filled the space with a “let me distract you all from the fact that nothing is happening by having Tyene show everyone her boobs” episode. This was partially forgiven by having Myrcella’s death hit right at the Season finale after they are seemingly out of danger. Then just when I thought things were going to get interesting again in the wake of Myrcella’s death, Ellaria straight up kills everyone. To add to this anti-climax, the loose end of Trystane is also tied up. I mean, anyone who turns his back on a woman with a spear who seconds earlier declared her intention to kill him deserves to die from stupidity alone. I’m with Samit on this one — it all felt so rushed.

Meereen — Tyrion, Varys, Mystery Lurker?

• Woohoo! We’re back in the quagmire that is Meereen. Tyrion is definitely being watched. I’m sure it was lost on no one, least of all the Sons of the Harpy, that a little person was left to govern the city after their Queen fled in spectacular fashion on her pet dragon. They’re keeping an eye on him. Unless he is being watched by someone who could be a potential ally. Varys will have more for us soon.
• To Samit’s fears about Tyrion’s plot line being too bureaucratically boring or uncomfortably perilous for our favorite character, I think it being perilous is going to keep it from becoming boring. The Sons of the Harpy are going to continue to be antagonists to anyone with the keys to the city and they have proven to be dangerous. On the other hand, there are small groups organizing themselves that could benefit from Tyrion’s political prowess. I’m looking forward to him putting his skills to use again. He won’t rule from above like Dany, but from the street as he alluded to on his stroll with Varys. I think he will become a grassroots organizer of sorts (as soon as he works on his Valyrian) and empower the people themselves to fight the Sons of the Harpy instead of having an armed guard take them on.

Dothraki Sea — Jorah Mormont, Daario Naharis, Daenerys, Khal Moro

• So let me get this straight- Daenerys is rescued from Meereen by Drogon (awesome). She becomes the first to ride a dragon in ~a million years (awesome). And then homeboy drops her off in the middle of nowhere and is like, “See ya” (NOT awesome). And in the vast land that is the Dothraki Sea, Jorah and Daario somehow end up exactly where Dany’s ride dropped her off. Fortuitous indeed.
• Jorah the Explorer is what he must be called henceforth. He will die this season, either from his grayscale (he’s got grayscale where his heart used to be) or from rescuing Dany from a lifetime spent with Dothraki widows.
• This is where I have to disagree with Samit — I LOVE THE DOTHRAKI, especially after this episode. They are the only ones capable of inserting a good two minutes of unexpected humor about the joys of life into an otherwise very very serious show. The only scene that came close to being this funny was when Tyrion both defended his manhood and saved his life with one well-constructed, two word sentence. I don’t think Dany returning to the Dothraki is a regression at all. In fact, S1 was the only one in which I actually liked her character. I’ll let that one stew for a while and would be happy to discuss why she is my least favorite protagonist with any takers. The one thing we are in agreement about is that the prospect of her being holed up in some temple with a bunch of hostile ladies doesn’t seem that exciting. Hopefully Jorah the Explorer will arrive soon.

Braavos — Arya, The Waif

• Wow, this one was depressing. Arya is officially The Blind Girl. She really can’t get a break. I am hoping The Waif will Miyagi her but I have my doubts. If Arya is any one thing, she is a Stark. The House of Black and White requires her to completely disavow this identity so to me, they are fundamentally at odds. I think her path forward, if there is one, will be fraught with more difficulties. I know that’s not particularly insightful but I don’t feel hopeful for Arya at all.

Lingering Thoughts/Questions

• I have already discussed this with some of you, but one lingering question is who will expire (permanently, that is) this season? Sunny sent out a very interesting model that predicts the Likelihood of Death of GoT characters. All of the mathematics aside, these are the people I think are most likely to die. There will be more, of course, but as of S6E1 here’s my list:

Melisandre // Jaime // Jorah // The High Sparrow

• To come: Bran for sure since we saw him in the preview of E2. I don’t know about the others. Some of our mains need to be empowered before we can see Balon and Walder killed so these may need to be revisited next season. Too early to tell.

That’s all I got. I don’t know anything about the “concepts worth brushing up on” so I will be diligently catching up for the rest of the weekend! Thanks for reading!

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