II. ハリケーン (the wind blowing)

we only exist in glimpses and i have always been okay with that. i used to think it brought extra meaning to everything, but maybe it is, indeed, quite a bit of reaching. now panting, restless, out of breath, tossing and turning even while awake, i choke, i suffocate. i rush to get all three parts out before you vanish once again. i’m constantly on edge, vigilant, waiting for the silence, waiting for the void, waiting for the hole in my chest to be opened again. there’s this scream coming up my throat, much like retching, and i do my best to keep it down, let it go straight to my head, but i still catch myself punching the walls to make it go away. i let it consume me because it’s all i know, because it’s all i have ever done, because it’s the only time it feels real. but it’ll all be gone soon enough, the wind will stop blowing, and i will drown in the waves of that well-known sea of absence.

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