Hey Guys! I’m Moving!
That’s right, people. I’m moving from my beloved city of Baltimore to Woodstock (basically Ellicott City) to Howard County, home of the Maryland Stepfords. Which is why I haven’t been posting any entries recently and probably why I will be posting infrequently for the next couple weeks.
My boyfriend, John, and I are officially moving in together. We are behaving as if we are actual adults. Which we are. Technically. We’ve been living together for a year or so now after he moved into my place, but this next step…I mean, we are moving into a brand new place TOGETHER. It will be our home TOGETHER. I love John dearly and deeply, but I have to say that this move is somewhat traumatic for me.
If you haven’t been able to tell already, I’m a huge commitment-phobe. I don’t mean it in the sense that I don’t like to commit to one person, it’s more that I hyperventilate and feel all suffocated at the idea of committing to a life path. My whole life then appears to unfold before me, predetermined, with one milestone after another already laid out.
For example, I’ve always shied away from the whole idea of finding The One, having the requisite 2.5 kids, Labradors, neighbors who shout over the white picket fence with phrases such as “How are you doing, Jim?” answered with “Great, Bob!”, and worrying about how I should wear the appropriate shoes with my outfit.
I know almost nobody actually has that kind of life. An ex of mine wanted it and as we became serious (and he spoke of potentially going into politics), I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night sweating because I would have these nightmares of me floating in the perfect dress with my perfect hair and perfect makeup and say inane crap like, “Daaahling, you MUST try the canapés, they are divine!!! Piper Calhoun recommended this caterer, you know who she is, she is married to Dane, of the Connecticut Calhouns, she is so sweet, and the caterer is simply marvelous!!”
As if people still serve canapés anymore. But that’s beside the point.
In my mind and heart, I know most of the people living in Ellicott City aren’t like that. I’ve met many people who have lived or live there who are genuine, down-to-earth people. And it’s a great area, it really is. So my fear of Stepfordness is an extremely small part of the stress I’m undergoing now.
Most of it is attributable to the my sadness at leaving the place I have called home since boarding school. I always considered the town it was located in my hometown since I never felt safe or secure in the home I was raised in. I attended Hopkins and hated Baltimore at first, but after I graduated and stayed here and bought my own place and got to know the city, I finally felt like I had a place that I could call my home. A safe haven that nobody could take away from me. A place to which I could always return.
So as I’m packing up my things, sneezing and wheezing from the dust and sniffling at my mementos, I am mourning the fact that I will be moving from my home, even though I am excited to be creating a new one in the next stage of my life. Therefore, bear with me a little while, readers, while I wax nostalgic about the world I am leaving behind and stressing out. I’ll get back to writing on a regular basis soon.