Ridiculously Small Clementines

Yay! I’m not 100%, but getting there.

Now that I’m well enough to be up and about again, I would like to mention something I’ve noticed the past few years. The trend of the Ridiculously Small Clementines.

WHY?!! Why so tiny?

When it started years ago, the clementines were only a tad smaller than your typical tangerine. As time passed, however, they started shrinking at an alarming rate. Last week, I saw mesh bags of clementines at Whole Foods and picked one up, not realizing exactly how small they have become.

Seriously. It take more energy to peel one than eat it. Each was the size of a regular marshmallow (that is the only comparison I could come up with). I was trying to intake more vitamin C (yes, yes, I know it probably doesn’t really help) while lying in bed and forlornly eating my unsatisfying clementines and thinking of all the other, cute small fruit that have become popular, such as lady apples.

Lady apples. Confusing and infuriating.

Can I eat them whole? But people aren’t suppose to swallow apple seeds since they release minute amounts of cyanide when digested. Right? But then, if these apples are much smaller, doesn’t that mean that the seeds are as well and therefore less cyanide would be released, making them safe to eat whole? Yes? No? WTF?!!? I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO GOOGLE HOW TO EAT THESE DAMN APPLES!!

When did small food become trendy? When did Wegman’s and Whole Foods get together and say, “Look, those stupid regular grocery stores are starting to offer organic fruit and veggies, too. I don’t know how they figured out that’s what we were doing, but they did. What should we do?”

Ta-da!

Because you ALWAYS hear, “Yes, smaller IS better!”

So adorable! And expensive!!

These are not even used to make champagne. But that’s not the point.

And don’t even get me started on sliders when you can just cut a burger in half. Or flatbread, which is really pita bread pizza shaped in a rectangle. Or cake pops, which I can make with Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins and toothpicks. Just don’t.