Stupidity About “Spanish”
I went to the ER and urgent care a few times last year. I’m the type of person who loudly insists that nothing is wrong with them when something obviously is, yet refuses to go see a doctor, so by the time I feel badly enough to do something about it, it has become an emergency of sorts (also, I was going through some tough medical issues). Hey, in none of my entries have I ever said that I’m reasonable 100% of the time.
These visits resulted in many stories because going to an ER in Baltimore City exposes you to all sorts of crazies (especially at the Hopkins affiliated facilities, I guess crazies still recognize quality).
One of the incidents that I was privy to was one that flabbergasted me. A Hispanic man came into the ER and started speaking to the customer service or help desk representative. The man spoke limited English, the rep spoke zero Spanish. So he called over the security guard, who was also of no help, who then flagged down the police officer on duty. All three of them started to question the man and between them, were able to ascertain that he wanted to visit someone who had been checked in through the ER earlier that day.
“What is his name?” Help Desk asked.
“José Hernández,” said the man.
“What was that?” Security Officer said.
“José Hernández,” repeated the man.
“What?” Security Officer said. To the others, he stated, “I don’t understand him.”
“What is his relationship to you?” Police Officer asked. The man responded with a lengthy explanation in Spanish. The three others looked at each other and shrugged.
“I’m sorry,” said Help Desk. “I don’t know Spanish. Is he your brother?” The man shook his head. “So what is your name?”
The man said his name, which I couldn’t make out, but obviously his last name wasn’t Hernández (although of course that didn’t necessarily mean that the patient wasn’t his brother). “So he’s your brother?” The man shook his head again, in agitation this time, and spoke and gestured in a way that conveyed, NO, you dumbasses, NO he’s not, but I want to see him, I want to know where he is so I can see if he’s okay!!
“I don’t know what he’s saying.” Help Desk said to Security Officer, who held his hands up in a I give up motion.
“Do you understand him?” Security Officer asked Police Officer. The latter rolled his eyes.
“What is his name again?” Help Desk asked.
“José Hernández!!” the man shouted.
“Look, sir, there is no need to get riled up,” Police Officer said. “We don’t speak Spanish, we’re trying to help you.” The man looked like he was going to cry or punch all three of them, his frustration was that palpable. He was obviously somewhat frantic, his friend was in the hospital, he just wanted to see him but was being stonewalled by an impenetrable wall of hospital security. Who weren’t being mean. Just clueless.
“This is obviously going nowhere,” Help Desk said. “We’re just going to have a get a translator down here.” Then he picks up the phone and calls some number and speaks to someone and I kid you not, says, “There is a man looking for his brother or friend or someone who checked in, but we can’t understand him, we don’t speak Spanish so can’t figure out the name, can you guys send a translator down here?”
Okay, I give Help Desk kudos for requesting a translator. But. BUT, If I wasn’t into my seventh hour in the ER waiting room and in pain, I would have screamed, “THE SPANISH LANGUAGE UTILIZES THE SAME CHARACTERS AS ENGLISH YOU IDIOTS!! YOU CAN’T ‘TRANSLATE’ A SPANISH NAME INTO ENGLISH, STUPIDS!! IT’LL STILL BE THE SAME NAME!!!”
And “If you can’t understand the name because of his accent, have him write it down! Again, it’s still the same characters!! What’s wrong with you people?!!? ARGGGHH!”
Fortunately, a nurse passed the desk, heard the commotion, and told them all that she spoke Spanish so was able to sort things out.
However, I was astounded that three people, three grown men in charge of security at a Johns Hopkins hospital in a city full of Spanish speakers, weren’t able to figure out that the Spanish language, like German, like French, like Italian, utilizes the same characters as English (discounting accent marks). I mean, you can’t “translate” names. It’s not like here in the States, we call Volkswagen “People’s Car”. I mean, really, people. Get a clue.
