We’ve been in the car for hours. Nick is holding my hand as we pass a group of looters breaking into a CVS. Lila is still confused about what’s going on, but luckily has fallen asleep for now. Thank God she’s sleeping. This is the first group of looters we’ve passed so far, and will not be the last. Hopefully we get to the hotel soon.

This just in. The asteroid is still on course — . I shut the radio off quickly. Twice a day, every day, we get an update like this. We all know what’s coming. A massive asteroid is due to hit Earth any day now. The government still hasn’t released details, but the asteroid will be hitting in less than one month. After all this time the human race will cease to exist. Somehow, it hasn’t gotten crazy yet. The looting just started a few weeks ago, but police forces in this part of the country say they are committed to keeping things as under control as possible. The president also gave an address soon after the discovery of the asteroid saying he believed we would all benefit from continuing to work, earn money, spend money, and operate normally. I’m extremely grateful for the small sense of normalcy they have established, especially since I’ve finally committed to finding my birth mother.

That’s where we’re heading now. She doesn’t know I’m coming, but I’m hoping for the best. Anyway, there’s nothing to lose. The world could end tomorrow. I have tried to find her in the past but I would always talk myself out of it whenever I got close. I know her name, Anna, the city where she lives, Chicago, and how many dogs she has, two.

Just the other day, for about the billionth time since we first learned about the asteroid, I was looking through some old pictures of me and my adopted family. At the beach, on my birthdays, and at my wedding. I was always the odd one out. Even in the pictures, with us all laughing together, you can clearly see that I don’t belong there — everyone leaning together naturally, and then me, standing just a little to the side, smiling. All of the girls in my adopted family are blonde, but my adopted father has jet black hair, only slightly speckled with grey in his old age. But me? I’m a redhead. It’s darkened over the years, but there has never been any denying that I just did not belong with that family. My adopted father was the one person in my family who I could almost see myself in. As my hair darkened, and as he taught me how to take care of my car, I felt more and more connected to him. It’s probably why I never longed to find my real father. I know nothing about him. Never really tried to.

I had a great upbringing, but I have always wanted more. I wanted to see myself reflected in someone else. I wanted to know that I belonged with that person. I still want that now, but I also want Anna to see those pictures and know that the girl she had brought into the world had a great life and wasn’t going to die unhappy. I need to know the same of her, too.

Luckily, the world isn’t quite ending like it does in the movies. Sure, there are the looters, but the cars didn’t all break down at once and the highways are still functioning normally. Chicago is only three states away from Pennsylvania, and the drive has been an easy one so far. I can’t believe I’m finally doing this.

I told Nick everything for the first time yesterday. I was in the kitchen pouring myself wine when he pulled into the driveway after getting home from work. I was able hear the news update coming from his car. Based on what I heard, it sounded like we were running out of time. I never told him that I knew where she lived and had thought about finding her so many times before. And now, out of nowhere, I was going to ask him to leave his job. Or at least take a few weeks’ vacation. They were all paid now anyway, since no one really had a future budget to worry about.

Lila was playing out back in a new playhouse we bought her. I yelled to Nick from the kitchen, where I was pouring him a glass of wine. Already armed with my own, I prepared myself to tell him about Anna.

“I’ll tell ya what,” he said, taking his Rolex off as he walked into the kitchen, “thank God we’re all still working. I’d go nuts sitting here all day waiting to die.” I couldn’t look away from my glass. He noticed right away that something was off and asked me what was wrong.

“Well,” I hesitated for a moment. I knew he wouldn’t deny me of this, and the reality of everything was starting to set in. I was so nervous. Finally, I told him that I knew where my birthmother was.

He leaned onto the kitchen island and said, “Okay. Where is she?”

I told him everything. How I had easily found her through Facebook and was armed with this information for years. He listened silently, looking down and lightly kicking the base of the island. I waited a bit before asking him if he would leave his job to go with me. He looked up with a smile on his face and said, “For you, you know I would.” I was a little worried that he would have a hard time understanding why I wanted to find her now, but he didn’t.

He insisted on driving, too. Lila was restless the entire car ride after she woke up. She couldn’t rap her head around why we were in a car for so long, which was our fault — my fault. I haven’t told her much. Just that we were going to visit someone. I’m going to tell her everything in the morning. We finally reached the hotel. Both she and Nate fell asleep immediately, but I’m wide awake just looking at them. Every time I look at her like this I need to hold back tears. She’s only nine years old. She’s always been bright, always loved animals. She started talking about becoming a veterinarian about two months before we found out about the asteroid. Knowing that she’ll never get a chance at life kills me.

I can’t help but wonder if Anna ever thinks about me this way.