We Need To Talk About This Shirt
Friday night I bravely rushed through Old Navy with a 20 lb. 6 month old in a carrier on my chest and my 5 year old daughter holding onto the diaper bag. I was in a rush because we were on our way to a birthday party and also because, when you are outnumbered by your offspring, you are pretty much always in a rush. I grabbed a couple shirts that I thought looked mildly flattering. There was no way I was going to be able to try them on so I just went on blind trust. I rarely shop for clothing for myself, only deciding to attempt it because Old Navy was next door to the birthday party’s location. I spotted this black and white striped shirt for a fair price and threw it over my shoulder while the baby chewed on the price tag. It looked cute. It would have to do. Little did I know, I had just purchased the most confusing shirt ever.
The Mystery
When I got home, I tried on the shirt. First, I checked for the size mark to indicate how to put it on. The marks were on the low part of the shirt. Okay, I thought, so this is like a high front low back type of shirt. I tried it on.
It was a weird fit. The sleeves were bunching and the arms were puckering awkwardly. Hmm, okay, I thought. Maybe they put the sleeves on backwards or something. It was definitely off. I decided to turn it around and see if it fit better backwards.
The Plot Thickens
I turned the shirt around. It is now backwards (or is it?)
The sleeves now fit better but the size was now in the front.
WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THIS SHIRT?!
What is the front? What is the back? Is it supposed to be reversible or is it specifically engineered to be unflattering both ways? I already have postpartum body issues, guys, I.do.not.need.this.kind.of.drama.
Shirts should not be this complicated, people.
I am v confused and I need your help. This decision will be democratic so please vote below. Should it be worn with the size in the back with the awkward puckering or the size in the front or should I just set fire to the shirt and watch it burn? This world is messed up enough already, we do not need Old Navy making confusing shirts.
Research
I tried to look up the shirt online. I can’t find it. Did this shirt materialize from a parallel universe? I don’t know. Maybe in that universe confusing shirts are totally in. Maybe they are highly sought after. But not in this world, people, not in this world.
Please help me I need help this shirt is driving me nuts
Tell me what to do, please. This is a real first world problem. I know, it is not important in the grand scene of things but — seriously, don’t badly designed and confusing things bother you, anyway? Is the door push or pull? Is this shirt from hell or from hell? …. You know what?
I think I am going to burn it…
