I watched…

This one goes out to all the cynics, who are usually just disappointed optimists. In this case, personally, a heartbroken one.

I spent years as the Director of a Grassroots Political Lobbying organization. I spent countless hours in the halls of the California State Capitol Building. I spent incalculable hours in meetings with Senators, Congresspeople, Aides, and more. I put in a lot of time. Few people knew about it. Because I did it for the cause; and the generations of people that would benefit from the efforts, not the “likes”. I did it because I wanted to work within the American system, and get traction through legislation; the right way. Progress was slower than I’d prefer.

Then I watched, as people were killed, displaced, and International Laws were broken. So I joined in and helped elevate voices, because if people know, they’ll help too, right? I broadcasted every night, for months. Then weekly, then monthly. For years. I helped disseminate news, opinions, provided ways of helping, and helped promote the voices of government officials, artists, advocates, and activists. And so few paid attention.

Then I witnessed one of the countries who helped displace and kill my people, as their country was attacked, and suddenly, everyone had Ukrainian Flags on their profile, on their cars, and on their shirts. Like some perverse cosmic slap in the face, I’m surrounded by people supporting the people who supported and celebrated the killing of my people. You paid attention to them, but not us, and not me. Why?

Then I watched, as Israel send multiple shipments of weapons to Azerbaijan. I said something, but you didn’t. I watched as over 120 THOUSAND people were blockaded and starved for TEN months, then attacked, and forcibly displaced, from ancestral lands that have been occupied by the same families since before Alexander the Great came through, and your silence rang like a din in my ears, as though an explosion shell shocked me. Nothing. NO. ONE. SAID. ANYTHING. Why?

Now, after decades of marginalizing and abusing Palestinians, a terrible group of people, are allowed to do something heinous, and Israel responds with something even more barbaric and inhuman… and all you can do is debate the merits of “defending themselves”. But they have your bandwidth; perhaps more than they deserve. In the middle of “their” war, Israel sent more shipments of weapons to Azerbaijan, in preparation for more violence against Armenians. And still, you say nothing.

When the world shows you that they don’t care, there comes a point when you believe them. You are the world too. And your ambivalence towards one group of people, while manufacturing outrage over another, is witnessed by me as exactly what it is; hypocrisy and vulgar, virtue signaling. Not that you do, but you shouldn’t wonder why I get surly or despondent; because I live on a planet of people who claim to care about (insert issue, here), but I promise you that I can show you a counter in your behavior, that renders your argument neutralized. “I’m Pro-Life!” No you’re not, because you support a medical system that makes having a child an incredibly expensive prospect. And once someone is born, you couldn’t care less if they have food, shelter, or any genuine support, from birth through to death. You’re pro-birth, and pro-control of women. “I care about animals!” No you don’t, you support their captivity and murder for the taste of their flesh; what you care about is how your pets, from your chosen species, make you feel. The list goes on.

So don’t for a minute, think I’m ever going to forget how the past few years of me doing everything humanly possible, during a pandemic, was ignored, then when the next issue du jour comes up, that gets media attention… and then suddenly you’re a Human Rights Expert. Spare me your joke of a position on any of it. Because I don’t care about social niceness anymore. Now I know why people don’t want to wait in line and be a model minority. And don’t waste my time in telling me you care about me, because I’ve seen your actions. You’re literally wasting your breath. I don’t believe you. Rest assured, that I’ll continue to do what I, and many other Armenians have done for generations; work hard, create art, enjoy as much of life as I can, continue to develop myself and our culture, and support everyone I can along the way. Just know that if you watched me, and my struggle, and didn’t do anything when the time called for it, that when I share anywhere, it’s not “with” you, it’s in spite of you, and in defiance of people who say one thing, and then are unwilling, too scared, or impotent to do anything about it when the time comes. I find your cowardice, beneath me. I desire to live among warriors, healers, growers, and builders. I hope to find more of them in this life, but perhaps not here.