Empathize with their pain — this is my original writing. I have decided to re-publish it publicly here as I have found great inspiration from others thru this site.
Pain — Empathize with their pain.
Back near the beginning of this 21st century I was praying, asking for guidance so I could help my wife feel better, instead of being frustrated and “short” with her continued severe chronic pain. Now, I am in her position of a severe chronic pain patient. And she is gone from this earth forever — far too early, from trying to deal with the pain, finding no really good solutions. That was over 4 years ago, heck it has been almost 8 years since I went on disability. You know how many new pills or treatments have come out for dealing with my Nerve Pain in those 8 years??? TWO. TWO new treatments for nerve pain in 8 years — IF we count the 24hr extended release version of a drug I had tried years ago — it failed miserably as I tried it for 28 days instead of Lyrica, AND we count medicine that is legal in 23 states for over 50% of the population, but unfortunately Texas is not yet one of those states…Cannabis. Plenty more on that topic in a future post. Back to my prayer:
“God — dear Father in Heaven. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand what is going on with the Love of My Life.
She has to take so much medicine and she is still in pain. She has a device implanted — you know the Spinal Cord Stimulator?
And still it looks sometimes like she stuck her toe in a light socket or touched an electric fence. I know she is in pain Father, but
I am having a hard time taking care of everything, it seems, sometimes. She hurts, she sleeps at day because her pain is worse
at night. How can I help her, how can I help us? I am very afraid that we is becoming she and me. Please God — please tell me what I can do to get back to we?” In a wave — like a huge sound wave coming off a concert speaker — I heard and felt my answer as plain as day: My neck tingled, the hair on my arms almost stood up, and it came so simply: “”EMPATHIZE WITH HER PAIN”. That was it. At least I thought that was it. Of course, the answer is often the most obvious. Try to see things from her eyes, from her perspective. As hard as I tried we lost “it”. I did eventually empathize — except by then we were divorced. 7th grade & 8th grade sweethearts. Life-long friends. And it became she and me. I finally understood at least some of what she was going thru — as I was diagnosed just a couple years later with diabetic peripheral neuropathy. I started down a similar path She had followed. Same meds. Same treatments like massage, acupuncture, ultrasound, and injections; then tens unit, then an implanted spinal cord stimulator. Now our girls were living in two separate houses with each of the parents disabled and in pain. It is hard to empathize with our pain. Mom had lost a leg to cancer AND it’s treatment — Good or bad her source of pain was seemed obvious. She and our girls had to endure the long stares of children — AND “Adults”. And the same question over and over and over again — “Oh what did you do to your leg?” I know it is hard to really empathize with someone else’s pain. I ask for that which I could not offer to the most important person in my life until she was gone from this earth. Perhaps with this story and help from above you will find the empathy that will save a life, a marriage, or a friendship.
Thanks for listening
Thanks for sharing
Originally published at apersonalpainofview.com.